Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket
by GoldenPetal13
Summary: Au Season 3. What if Sebastian had turned up early summer, Dave got outted around the same time, and Blaine and Kurt fought about Sebastian and Dave and then broke up. Warnings inside, suicidal themes.
1. Chapter 1

Au Season 3. What if Sebastian had turned up early summer, Dave got outted around the same time, and Blaine and Kurt fought about Sebastian and Dave and then broke up. When the new term comes along Blaine's friendship with Sebastian has blossomed into romance, and then Kurt asks Dave for help in getting Blaine back. And Dave never transfers from McKinley

Rated M

Warnings: Lots of them, angsty, suicidal themes, self harming themes, no self esteem, bullying of all kinds, discrimination of all kinds, there will be no non con, there will be some violence, and generally bad places for Dave to go. Basically I'm going to be a bitch to Dave and then kick him when he's down, I'm just letting you know in advance.

Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews).

I own nothing, literally.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**01**

Walking through the school I feel naked.

I don't have a Letterman for my Senior year. The sports teams wouldn't take me anyway, not a loser, not a fag like me, oh and to top it all off I'm dating Kurt frecking Hummel, fruitiest gayest gay kid in Ohio.

Well I'm not really dating him.

We're faking.

Well he's faking and I'm trying to remember that it's fake. It's a good thing he's not that into PDA, that I just have to walk next to him down the halls, and it's a good thing the guys only throw slushies and give small shoves so I can protect him from the worst of it.

He's said in the past that I'm chubby, even that Sebastian kid said I needed to drop a hundred pounds, and the taunts all my life about my weight were right, I'm big, and fat, and just disgusting and gross. But for once that bulk comes in handy and I can protect Kurt with my body, take the shots for him, he's been through enough, he shouldn't have to take this shit anymore.

He never should have had to take this shit.

Me?

God I deserve it. Every slur that rips into me. Every slushy that burns my eyes and freezes my skin. Every locker slam, though I'm meaty so it doesn't hurt that much, it only covers my body in bruises.

I deserve worse.

Much worse.

I can't work out if I hate school or home the most.

At school I get so much hate thrown at me, from jocks, and cheerleaders. From geeks and nerds. Both sides popular and unpopular hate me. Why wouldn't they? I bullied the weaker kids, I picked on them, I made their lives hell. And the other popular kids? Well I pretended to be one of them, I pretended I was something.

I know I'm a loser, a nothing nobody gives a shit about, just a useless waste of space taking up air and getting in the way.

And now I have Glee.

I hate Glee.

The only good thing about Glee is that Kurt's there, and he's often happy in Glee, so Glee is good.

But it's boot camp, Mr Schue insisted and I hate frecking boot camp. I don't know how to dance, Kurt tries to teach me but I'm so fucking uncoordinated and useless, even Hudson can out dance me and when I leave at the end after Mr Schue shakes his head and Mike sighs I can hear the beam in my bedroom closet calling me.

It doesn't help that Dalton had some termite infestation and had to close for emergency fumigation and repairs, so the damn Warblers are here and have joined New Directions.

So Blaine and fucking Sebastian are here too. Kurt's kicked his 'get Blaine to fall in love and come back to me' plan into high gear, he always looks like a complete dream and moves like, I don't have the words but it's beautiful. I don't get why they broke up anyway. Blaine should have seen Sebastian for what he was told him no, Kurt should have left me to rot and then they wouldn't have broken up, it's all my fault, I have to help him fix this so he can get on and be happy.

Soon, it has to be soon, I'm not sure I can hang on, oh there's a pun, hang, I swallow the hysterical giggle and start getting changed, I ignore the guys in the room, just rush through and go to wait in the auditorium for the humiliation of boot camp to begin all over again.

After that bastard Nick from East Lima outted me and the rumours spread, after my folks found out and mom got the preacher round to 'save' me, after all the messages on facebook, on all my other accounts, all the texts on my phone. I cracked, I lasted a week, a frigging week.

So weak.

So pathetic.

I have it all worked out. The suit I'm going to wear. The belt I'm going to use on the beam. I just have to work up the nerve. It's a big thing. It's a big scary thing and it's not like I've kidded myself I'm going somewhere good, no I know I'm going straight to hell.

I'm going to hell not because I'm gay, I don't believe that bullshit anymore, god would not have made Kurt or Blaine or Britt or Santana if he really hated gay people. No I'm going to hell because I deserve it, because I'm an evil person who should just die.

Everyone says so, everyone hates me, I have nothing to live for anymore, no future, no friends, no family.

And then there's this bright voice and I turn to see Kurt walking next to Blaine and talking to him. They're so damn perfect. They're beautiful.

Behind them Sebastian scowls, and he should be worried. If I were really dating Kurt or even Blaine, though he's seriously short and tends to surf furniture and I'm so not into him, but if I were dating one of them and the other turned up I'd know it was all over, they belong together.

Just gotta hang in there, hang, god that word again.

If only Sebastian hadn't turned up when he did and distracted Blaine, if only Nick hadn't outted me, they'd be together.

I'm so fucking tired.

So tired of everything, of hurting all the time, I just want to go, there's nothing but Kurt holding me here now.

I move off and leave them alone, Kurt's being flirty, and Blaine's finally looking at him, thank god for that, I thought I was gonna have to march him down to get his eyes checked or something.

At this point everyone else turns up and I give up, they were talking, they were looking, it's a start, I just need it to be over, I need to be over.

And hell ensues, moves and twists and turns and I just can't break them down in my fat, stupid head fast enough. Finn trips and I follow five seconds later. God I'm such an idiot.

Catching a bruise from an earlier locker slam I hiss and then blink the pain away, I'm a weak little loser but I'm not crying in front of them, no that's for my room, face in my pillow when everyone's asleep.

Getting up I try and fail; try and fail. Oh that is so the story of my life, epic failure after epic failure. Why the hell was I even born? The preacher says sometimes we are sent a trial and the lesson isn't supposed to be learnt by us but by someone watching us. I think that's what I am, just a lesson, a short-lived lesson.

Please god, slap Blaine up the head, please. Let him come to his senses.

Struggling through the lesson I trip at least twice more, fuck this for fun, I don't know why these kids put themselves through the humiliation, at least when you're a jock or a cheerio you get some respect around the school, here you get nothing.

To top that off the kids are all fighting about who's got what part in the musical thingy they're staging, I'm trying to get out of it, and no ones fighting that, I can move scenery or something, nothing that needs skills that I can fuck up.

Finally we can stop and go and get changed. Kurt's in a hurry so he can only eye flirt with Blaine, waving to me he runs for the door, he's got an interview with Israel about his run for class presidency, he really needs all the help he can get with Brittany as his campaign manager, though his discussion last night about the gay sign and her reply about an extension cable was fucking hilarious, it's not often that Kurt Hummel's speechless.

Tonight is not a night that I get to go to the Hudmel residence and get glared at by Mr Hummel. Tonight I get to go home and face my mom, no Mrs Karofsky now, can't call her mom, can't possibly be her offspring when I'm a faggot that needs to be cured.

I don't want to sit in my room on my own listening to the beam creak at me, I might not be able to ignore and resist it, I might do it tonight, so I volunteer to clear up, they all leave me, no one says thank you or offers to help, why would they want to spend time with me?

And in the quiet of the auditorium I listen to the whisper of the building and spot the microphone and stand waiting, calling to me.

Licking my lips I look around and then double-check no ones here with me.

Unable to resist, I really am that fucking weak, I walk up to the music player and plug my ipod into it, I downloaded this a few nights ago, it doesn't really match my voice but I don't care, it speaks to me, and isn't that what music's supposed to do?

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

So is this too much? And I've got another chapter of Dave singing, but that's it so far, I have way too many plot bunnies picking on me, IF I did continue with this, is it any good?

Also I'd like to point out that this is a seriously depressing fiction, read at your peril. And if you are heading to a dark place or you're already there, I know you can't see the door out of your situation right now, but please don't pick the one labelled 'suicide', there's another one, you can't see it right now, but I promise you it's there.

I'm not really the best person to talk to about bad things (I don't always read messages and I tend to say the wrong thing), but there are people out there much better than me, like the Samaritans, the Trevor Project (others in your country or out of it), they know the right words to say, they know the sites, the groups to help you find the right thread to hang onto, and then you can find your way out the dark places.

So please stick around and don't deprive the world your unique wonderfulness, you don't yet realise everything you could possibly be, but it's there, waiting, you just have to find it, it'll surprise and amaze you, and you'll be glad you stuck around.


	2. Chapter 2

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

Also prosen8966 is right, Finn can't out dance Dave, but DAVE believes Finn can. Our hero isn't in the right mind space to see the truth staring him in the face, he's better and worth more than he thinks he is. There'll be more of those as we go along, moments when Dave will think something (it's his POV), and you'll (hopefully) be "That's not right, no Dave you got it wrong…" but this AU Dave's in a bad place and it's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it could potentially get better…

I own nothing, literally, especially not the song that's about to be sung.

_Italics_ are Dave singing.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**02**

This is one of the few times I can cut lose, when no one else is here, in the comforting quiet of the auditorium I can let it all out, I don't have to worry about anyone laughing at me, mocking me, telling me I can't sing when I know I can't, telling me how useless I am when I already know I am.

Here, for a little while, I can forget all that.

This is why the Glee kids put up with all the crap that they do, for this moment, when the music is playing and you can sing and it happens, that magic, it moves through you, changes you, and reality goes away for the length of a song. I secretly loved the Thriller mash up last year, it felt so good when we did it.

But this isn't then, this isn't that song, here it's just me and the words that sum up my life so well, and I ache and hurt, so weary of this life now.

This song's tricky I have to start singing before the music begins, the strumming of guitars in the background with a fiddle, very country, but so fucking beautiful.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a, bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river, at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song<em>

I know when I die no ones coming to my funeral, so no words of a love song for me.

_Uh oh, uh oh_

And I'm gonna change the words, 'coz screw it if I'm singing about my mom, she hates me, this one's for dad.

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my father_  
><em>He'll know I'm safe with you when he stands under my colours, oh well<em>  
><em>Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no<em>  
><em>Ain't even grey, but he buries his baby<em>

Love you dad.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

Too much time, and it's time for me to go, soon, so soon.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song<em>

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom_  
><em>I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,<em>  
><em>I've never known the lovin' of a man<em>  
><em>But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,<em>

Kurt…

_There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,_  
><em>Who would have thought forever could be severed by<em>

_The sharp knife of a short life, well,_  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

Something wet splashes on my face as I, naturally, think of Kurt, god I'm really gonna die a virgin, and it was nice when Kurt held my hand, his hand looks so delicate, its soft to the touch, all those creams he uses, but he's so strong, I could love him forever.

Rubbing my face I realise I'm crying, again, god so fucking weak.

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_  
><em>What I never did is done<em>

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar_  
><em>They're worth so much more after I'm a goner<em>  
><em>And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'<em>  
><em>Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'<em>

They won't listen to me my thoughts are all worthless.

More tears and I fight them off but it's already bled into my voice, it's a good thing no ones here to watch me slaughter this song.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song<em>

_Uh oh (uh, oh)_  
><em>The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)<em>  
><em>Go with peace and love<em>  
><em>Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket<em>  
><em>Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh<em>

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

Keep your tears, I'm not worth it, no one will notice when I'm gone. Keep them for someone special.

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

And then the song fades.

Sighing softly I let the silence fill up the auditorium and I have to rub my eyes again.

Snatching up my ipod I wander aimlessly around trying to find something to do, but the place is tidy, reluctantly I turn out the lights and leave making sure I lock up after me.

Strolling slowly through the empty school I'm not scared it's haunted like some of the younger kids, no I imagine myself ghosting through the school, always alone, unwanted, over looked.

Driving home, it's not hard to obey the speed limits, I'm in no hurry at all.

Humming the song I was just singing I sit in my truck too afraid to go inside, but too tired to fight it anymore. Sighing I get out and lock the truck door.

Opening the front door I go to creep up the stairs.

"David!" It's mom.

"Yes ma'am," I drop my gaze to the floor.

"Are you still gay?" Her voice's sharp and I don't know how to tell her that I was born this way.

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am," I keep my voice humble.

Her disappointed sigh cuts through me, "Are you even trying?"

"Yes ma'am," no, "I'm reading all the pamphlets you and the pastor kindly got me," and they are a load of fucking made up shit, I'd laugh at them if it wasn't so serious.

"Good, just keep trying, please David, I don't want to lose my son, but you have to give up this lifestyle you've picked, I know you think you don't have a choice but you do, you do, please come back to me, please bring me back my baby boy," as emotional blackmail goes its brilliant and nod miserably waiting for her to just leave me alone.

Footsteps signal she's gone and I breathe out.

"David?" A softer voice, it's dad.

"Yes sir?"

He flinches, "David please, she's not here," he begs me.

"Dad," and he smiles.

"It came for you today," he holds out a box with a new cell phone for me, "I've set up the contract, it's coming out of my bank account, she won't know about it, just be careful, don't give lots of people your number. I've already charged it up for you," I take the small box from him.

"Thanks dad," oh god I think I'm going to cry again.

"I'll heat your dinner up son," he offers.

"Thanks."

Walking into the kitchen he pushes buttons on the microwave, and I gather up cutlery and grab myself a can of soda. When it beeps I take my dinner and escape up the stairs to my exiled area of the house, my bedroom.

I'm not allowed in the rest of the house, just the bathroom when I really need it, and the kitchen for meal times, the rest of the time I have to stay in here so I won't pollute the place with my unholy ways.

Sitting on my bed I mechanically eat my dinner, I'm not really hungry but I eat it anyway, I'm already fat, it's not like it matters if I put more weight on, and Kurt keeps nagging me about tidying up my diet so I've been eating more home cooked dinners with veg and shit to make him happy.

Sneaking the plate down I load it into the dishwasher and then I make it back to my room without meeting anyone. Closing the door I sit back down on the bed and open the box. I'm expecting just a basic cell phone, but it's not.

It's better than my current phone, the one people are sending hate to. I put a few numbers in my new phone, Kurt's cell and home, dad's cell.

That's it.

Trying it out I send a message to Kurt to let him know I've lost my old phone and I'm using this one for now. And I send one to dad so he'll have this number too, just in case, I'm not sure why he'd want to contact me, but it feels right.

It feels even more right to rip the battery and sim card out of my old cell, no more hate from that, no more crank calls, no more fear from hearing it ringing or beeping at me.

Eyeing up my laptop I switch it on and then log on to my various accounts, and finally it's happened, my accounts are being shut down, deleted, erased, gone. No more facebook, no more twitter, and all the rest. One less way for them to tell me to drop dead, I don't understand why they keep at it, don't they realise I'm a dead man walking? That I just have the mess with Kurt and Blaine to clear up and I'm going?

It's been made pretty clear I'm not wanted, that I'll never be wanted, that I should just get out of the way for someone better.

And it feels good, like part of me's already gone, the first step, I glance up at my closet, soon, so soon now, please god, just make Blaine see him, really see him, please.

Going through the motions of living I get my homework out, and I can't help the small smirk, it's the only good thing about school, I get to answer the questions in class, I don't have to hide that I'm a nerd, well not really a nerd, I'm not good enough for that, but I don't have to pretend to be stupid either.

Okay so I really am stupid but I can be book smart, and the looks on the teacher's face, on everyone's faces when I first put my hand up in class and got the answer right.

It just proves no one knows me that they never bothered to know me, because I'm not worth knowing.

My phone beeps and I tense before I remember it's the new one and I grab my phone frowning, who the hell is messaging me?

It's Kurt, he's glad I let him know my new number and he wants to know why I'm not on facebook anymore. I tell him it's temporary, that the messages on my wall were getting bad, that it'll all be fine soon. He agrees, and I know he knows what I'm going to do, that he understands, that he knows I tried to be something but it turned out I'm nothing, and that soon I'll be gone.

I'm scared, scared it'll hurt, I kinda want to ask him to help me, but I can't burden him with it, he's done so much, he shouldn't have to help me sort my shit out too. I should be able to do this one thing on my own, then they can sweep it under the carpet, well sort of, that example doesn't work, fuck it I can't even get that right, anyway they're all gonna be glad when I'm gone, they can just get on with their lives.

The phone buzzes in my hand, it's Kurt again, he's angry that 'they' keep hassling me, Jesus he's too good for this world, even if he is a bitch sometimes. He really believes in people, wants to best for them, and he can forgive people too, people like me, I tell him he's too nice, that it's not a problem, they can't spew hate at me if I don't have an account. He tells me it's not okay but he's getting too angry to talk about it, he's going to play in his wardrobe and wear something pretty tomorrow.

Of course that's when I fuck up and tell him he always looks pretty.

He doesn't message me back.

I have to keep reminding myself we're faking, it's not real, I can't tell him the truth like that, I have to give him space.

Finishing my homework I get ready for bed and stare up at the planes suspended from my ceiling, dad helped me make them so very long ago, and they gave me the idea, I wanted to go just like them.

The beam creaks at me and I turn over muttering, "Soon," at it, it's been really patient, I think it'll wait for me and finally I fall asleep to be chased through the school, everyone's screaming at me and in the gym they've put a noose up for me. I climb the steps one by one, and put my head in the noose, I'm just about to kick the chair away when my fucking alarm wakes me up.

"No," I whimper and cling to my pillow, I don't want to get up, I don't want to face my mom, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to do any of it ever again, I just want it all to stop, just stop, please, god please.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

Song is by "The Band Perry", "If I die young" any normal version(?), I blame this song and "Cough Syrup" for this fiction, must not listen to them and write, I go very angsty in my writing.

Oh god this is depressing to write. And I'd like to point out that Kurt would never encourage Dave to kill himself, so one more example of Dave not being able to see the world properly.

And that's it for now, fiction is on hold, I have others I'm working on, thanks for reading, I appreciate it, will update sporadically when I get around to it if anyone's interested in it, and I've had a few reviews and alerts so yay.


	3. Chapter 3

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction. Warnings as this chapter will touch on self-harm.

Oh and it might not conform to canon completely as it's AU (my excuse for not always sticking to what happened in the Glee verse).

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**03**

Standing in the shower I let the water spray pummel me and try to come round, and if I cry well the tears get lost in the water, not that it matters, no one would care if they did see them.

Shutting the water off I climb out and dry myself. Wiping the towel across the fogged up mirror I wrap it around my hips and squirt some shaving foam into my palm. Smearing it on my face I go to grab my razor when I miss and the cheap shity plastic rubbish smashes on the floor.

Great.

Just what I fucking need.

Bending down I snag it and then jump as I realise I've cut myself, well crap the damn head cracked and one of the blades is sticking out. More carefully I pick it up and examine it.

Yep it's ruined, and it was the last one, I'll have to be scruffy at school and stop on the way to Kurt's to buy some more.

Wiggling the top I snap some more of the plastic off, and it's child's play to get one of the thin razors out of the casing. Weird how something so small can keep my stubble under control, I swear it feels like I have to shave five times a day to beat it back.

It doesn't look like it could do what it should.

Manoeuvring the blade edge I run it along the outside edge of my left thumb, I don't even feel the pain, just a slight sting as the blood pebbles up to the top of my skin. There's something about it, something about the blood that's hypnotising, I can't believe that it's my blood, so I do it again, but a little harder.

This one makes me hiss and the blood flows more freely, it runs along the cut and beads into a deeper drop. It falls to the sink and splashes into the water spreading out like red ink.

One drop, two, three.

The forth has trouble forming as the shallow cuts are both starting to clot and close over. Yanking the plug out I let the water run out, then I run the tap so the scab can't form. Filling the sink again I'm disappointed when the blood won't run right.

Glancing at the tiny blade I do it again but even deeper, I don't want it to clot so quickly.

Muffling my grunt of pain I'm rewarded when the blood moves faster and I can see the drops forming faster and falling into the water.

One, two, three, four, five…

I stop counting and end up staring completely mesmerized at the sight, I should be horrified, I should be screaming and whining while running for a band-aid, I'm such a baby when I get a paper cut.

But I'm calm, I'm finally calm.

The only pain is in my thumb.

My thoughts are slow, sluggish, and under my control.

After everything that's happened it's like finding a port in a storm that's been hitting me for so fucking long I'd forgotten there's anything else out there.

It's quiet in the bathroom and the world falls further away with each red drop that falls, nothing to be afraid of, nothing to hurt over, nothing I have to shove down inside of me so I don't say or do the wrong thing, I'm free.

When the blood starts to slow down I don't have to think about it I go to cut my thumb again.

And then someone bangs loudly on the door, "David?" It's dad and the blade slips from my fingers into the water, "You've been in there awhile, you're going to be late to school, are you okay?"

Shit.

The bubble bursts and it all comes crashing back in, except now I have to hide this too. I know they won't notice, but as long as I try to hide my tracks no one will ask.

"Err, sorry dad," I stare at myself in the mirror and inspiration strikes, "Um my last razor broke, I dropped it."

"You didn't cut yourself did you?" He sounds concerned.

"Yeah, it got out of it's casing, it's no big deal," I hedge.

He bangs on the door again, "Let me in. Do you need help? Is it deep?"

Double shit.

Panicking I riffle through the cupboard and then spot the band-aids kept in here just in case. Drying my hand I can't even whimper when the towel catches on the cuts. Ripping off the backing I aim and jam the thing on, pull the plug on the bloody water, and then relax.

Opening the door dad's standing there and he barrels in, I have to do some fast-talking but he accepts my story and tells me to be more careful. "Actually David I have a new electric razor, do you want to have my old one? It's still good," he frowns at the broken casing, "I'm really not happy with you using one of those things if you could hurt yourself."

He goes to get the razor and I lean against the tiles on the bathroom wall, I don't know why I feel so guilty that I lied to him, or why I feel so sick and shaky, the cuts weren't that deep.

Sneaking the small blade out of the empty sink I put it in the bin and throw the rest of the razor away. Scrubbing the foam off my face I pat it dry and this is not going to go well, I really should shave with the electric razor before the hairs get wet.

Struggling through the shave I go and get dressed. Mom's out early at a 'meeting', which means she seeing her lover, and I can have breakfast with dad in the kitchen.

Late I run for the front door and drive to school.

The turning comes up and I seriously contemplate just driving on, not turning, not parking, not going into that hell called high school.

Instead I do all of the things I don't want to and lock my truck as I walk in to school, I'm too big for the guys to throw me in the trash, it took a few fights and me breaking a few noses but they've stopped trying, and they leave Kurt alone too.

Stepping into the building I have to start keeping an eye out for those big cups of ice cold colouring as it's open season on me. The only good thing about Cooper and his cronies managing to graduate is that the new hockey jocks are a bunch of useless dicks, if I can catch it right I can dodge the worst of it.

I manage it this morning, most of it misses, no wonder we're losing at fucking hockey, I'd be surprised if these morons can even keep their feet on the ice, and my hands itch to hold a stick, to glide on the ice, the fast paced game exploding around me.

So caught up in the happy memory I fail to notice the others jocks and it takes two of them to shift my bulk into the lockers, but they do it and my left arm goes a little numb where I smashes into the lockers with a clang. Collapsing to the floor I don't even bother glaring at them.

Another clang gets my attention and it's a group of cheerleaders, they've 'bumped' a freshman, no she's a sophomore this year, into the lockers, the girl's things have scattered on the floor.

Wanting to stay where I am I have to make myself get up and then I help her get her stuff together. Piling it up I wait for her to stuff it all into her bag, and then her hand lands on my left one right near the cuts, the cuts that are openly on display as the band-aid is in the process of peeling off.

Our eyes meet and I go to bluff that it isn't what she thinks but she gives me this strange sad smile and I can't say a word as they get stuck on my tongue.

Not letting go of my hand she drags me into the nearest girls bathroom and over to a bank of sinks, checking to make sure no one is near she gets a small case out of her bag, and she flips the lid.

I'm not sure what I'm looking at.

There are pieces of broken glass in there, a small bottle of some liquid with 'iodine' on the label and lots and lots of band-aids, all different shapes and sizes.

"Put your hand over the sink and take the rest of that thing off, it won't last long now," she says and I do as I'm told. She undoes the bottle and drops some of the iodine on my cuts, I hiss and blink rapidly at the pain.

Handing me a small square of cloth she makes me pat it dry and then she eyes up my thumb with expert eyes and the perfect shaped band-aid is offered up to me.

Gingerly I take it and cover up the wounds.

I get another of those sad smiles and she leaves me standing there with no explanation of why any of it, but I'm shaking slightly and I kinda wanna throw up. Going to my locker I hide in plain sight as it all sinks slowly in.

She's a cutter.

She cuts herself. The band-aid catches my eye and I prod it with my other hand the pain shoots through me. Oh god, I cut myself, on purpose, I self harmed.

This is bad, this is really bad. I don't know much about it but I know Miss Pillsbury gets really upset over it, that the kids that hurt themselves hide it, and I know it's wrong, but it felt so right, so fucking right.

One right thing in a world that's so wrong.

"David!" A bright voice says and I jump turning to see my fake boyfriend almost skipping towards me. "Don't forget today is my audition day, with the addition of the Warblers the play got pushed back, but this is my turn to shine, my turn to be the lead, Tony is mine!"

We make plans to meet in the auditorium so I can watch him audition, and I'm not happy about the scaffolding but Jesus he's part fucking squirrel or bat or something the way he's so at home on the frame. And the swords? I thought he'd take his eye out but he's got it completely under control.

That's Kurt for you, fucking amazing at everything he does, and I tell him he'll be amazing he smiles, "I know, oh and thank you for the compliment last night," he twirls showing off, "So are these clothes 'pretty' enough, because I believe you said I'm always pretty," and he's nice, he's taken my slip up and turned it around, to let me know that he's forgiven me again.

Flushing and stammering I fuck it up again, "Kurt you're the prettiest most manly guy I know."

Stunned he stares at me and I can feel my face getting hotter, crap, he accepts it though and nods, "Thank you, you David do wonders for my self esteem."

Closing my locker I drag my bag over my shoulder, and then Kurt holds his hand out to me, it's not something he does often, he's worried about people getting upset, Dalton was bad for him, he's toned so much of himself down, but lately he's started to shine again.

Putting my left hand in his I smile as he frowns and looks down, "David, what happened to your thumb?"

"It's nothing," and I'm telling the truth, it is nothing, I'm not doing that again, "Cheap razor broke and I caught myself," those weird but fascinating eyes hold my gaze, Kurt's too smart sometimes, "Dad gave me his old electric razor so I won't be doing that again," and incidentally the easiest road to temptation just got demolished.

He hums softly and then squeezes my hand gently, "You'd tell me if you had any problems wouldn't you?" He asks in that oh so gentle voice.

"Why would I have any problems?" I'm confused, all my problems are gonna be solved soon, I just have to hang on, it's not like I can sob all over him, I'm the one who fucked his life up last year, "Anyway I thought this was magical Senior year for you?"

That diverts him and he gushes at me some more about how great his life is gonna be, I almost wanna see it, to stand there and cheer when he makes it, but I'm gonna be gone, it'll be Blaine by his side.

I walk him to class and he prances into the classroom the world at his feet. I know he's going to make it, and he might think of me now and again but I doubt it, there's no reason for me to exist at all.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

I've never self harmed so I'm not 100% sure I got that right, I'm not sure if Dave should have been able to pull himself out of it, to even realise what he'd done, even though he got lucky and his dad banged on the door at the right moment. I hope it wasn't too unrealistic.

I know some people self harm to feel something, but that isn't one of David's problems, its more feeling too much and no constructive outlets or coping mechanisms etc…

Thank you for reviews and alerts, I'll keep trying to write this one, cheers.


	4. Chapter 4

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**04**

"Did you see David?" Kurt's all but floating next to me.

"Yeah, I saw, dude you killed it, you were amazing," and he was, damn is it wrong to have those thoughts about him? To have to rearrange my pants because of what he did on that stage for his audition?

Yeah I guess it is, great one more thing I've fucked up, he belongs to Blaine if only Blaine would open his damned eyes and see him.

"The judges are going to Miss Pillsbury's office to discuss the male lead," he says and leans in, "I'm going to sit outside her window and listen, I know it's going to be so good!" He beams and walks off.

Maybe eavesdropping isn't a good thing but then what the hell do I know?

Turning the corner people snigger and I sigh wondering if I have something stuck to my back, but no I can see what it is, some idiot's spray painted 'FAG' across my locker, again. It's trailed over the peoples' lockers next to mine.

They've gone for black paint this time, at least black is kinda bad ass. They tried pink but against the red it didn't stand out.

Touching it with a finger I make sure it's dry and then open my locker ignoring the message, it's not like it matters, technically they're right and they spelt it correctly. Now I'm glad Kurt ran off he gets really upset about stuff like this.

Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the Warbler dudes, Trent I think, wow have those kids had a freaking culture shock here, the jocks picked on them until they did this sexy number thing, now the cheerleaders giggle and flirt with them and it's pissed the jocks off even more, not that they can do anything as the cheerleaders threatened to black list them. The jocks came to heel pretty quickly when the sex they were getting was nearly taken away.

"Mr Karofsky," It's Principal Figgins, "I see your locker has been defaced again," no shit Sherlock, "If you step away I'll have our last remaining janitor scrub that for you."

"It's cool," I grab more books, "Just leave it."

"Mr Karofsky, David," Oh god he's doing first names now, that's usually bad news. "Someone has defaced school property, I won't let it stand, I won't let this vandal besmirch the good name of McKinley."

Wait McKinley has a good name?

And I notice he doesn't give a crap about how having that painted on my locker makes me feel. So of course I catch my fucking thumb with the cuts and I don't want to have to swallow all of this freaking hypocritical shit down this time.

Finished with what I want with my locker I lock it and turn to the Principal, "Figgins, as great as it is that you care so much for the lockers in this school, just give it up man, they're gonna keep spraying that stuff on my locker, if you leave it on when they've actually spelt it right for once they can't keep doing it," I appeal to his budget, "And then you won't have to spend money to get it off again.

"It's not like you or any of the other teachers in this school notice any of the bullying, discrimination or damn near physical and violent assaults the so called popular or stronger kids inflict on the weaker or less popular kids, you prefer to avert your eyes, to stick your fingers in your ears and live in a dream world," I'm on a roll now and the corridor is filling up with kids listening to me rant as calmly as I can at him.

"Face the truth and accept that we're not people to you, we're little walking money bags you use to milk as much cash as you can from the district to keep this shitty dump of a school going. You don't care about any of us, you don't care that some of the kids here self harm, or walk around with bruises on their bodies from the locker slams, that they get spat on, get names screamed at them, have their lunch money stolen on a regular basis, or that a few are so damn unhappy and have no other way out of the daily torture this meat factory grinds into them that they're thinking about killing themselves."

Where did that last bit come from?

I'm unhappy but I know killing myself is the only way out. But it's not just for me, it's for everyone, to make them happier without me in the world. I'm not selfish, am I?

"My office now!" The Principal points and I walk off to his office, the kids that had gathered for the show are silent as we pass, they stare at me and I know they want me dead, that I'm taking up space.

God I'm such an idiot why the hell did I lose my temper like that? I'm supposed to be tame, boring, a good boyfriend for Kurt, he's gonna flip his shit when he hears how I lost it.

Collapsing into a chair in the reception I prod my thumb and then look up to catch a glimpse of the girl from earlier, she gives me a sad smile and then she's gone, I jerk my finger away from the plaster, I really have to stop doing that. I deserve this, I deserve all the pain and the hurt and the hate, I deserve it all.

Dad's in a meeting so can't come and that leaves mom.

Awesome.

I cool my heels for half an hour before she turns up, luckily everyone is back in class so at least we can do with without an audience gawking at me.

In the main office Principal Figgins gets mom to sit and then he takes up his throne of power behind the desk. "Mrs Karofsky, I called you here because of David's lack of respect of authority and also the defilement of his locker with the word 'Fag' by some of the other children."

And mom takes control of the meeting, "David, are you trying to get that washed off? Because you deserve it you godless creature."

"Ma'am I didn't ask him to take it off, I asked him to keep it on," I barge in, politely, I don't want another slap from her.

"Oh. Then what's the problem?" She asks Principal Figgins who looks shocked. "Is it his horrible lifestyle choice of being a homo faggot? I'm sorry Principal we are trying," she eyes me up, "But David is being difficult and saying he was born this way, but there's no way I'd have given birth to such a disgusting human being that's an abomination in the eyes of God." She shakes her head, "David I want you to try harder to change yourself back," she pleads with me, "Please David I want my son back."

Standing up she nods at the frozen man, "If you think we should try more drastic actions to make him snap to his senses please let me know, now if you'll excuse me I have an important appointment to keep," and then she sweeps out.

We both watch her leave and then turn to stare at each other, he clears his throat "David? How's your home life?"

"Awesome," I lie.

His eyes flick back to the door, "Really?"

"No it sucks, but here sucks too, the only place I ever get any peace, where I'm not under constant attack is driving in my truck, but gas costs money," I tell him honestly then I stand up, "Have we finished?"

"David…" He starts.

"Principal," it's the over worked under paid janitor, "They've done it again and I only just got it off."

Strolling along behind them I follow them to my locker where the word 'FGA' is gleaming wetly in green this time.

"Told you. You shoulda left the better spelt one on. You'd save money and you could plough it into the literacy budget because the spelling in this place sucks," I pat the smaller man on the shoulder. "I'm going to class."

"David, what you said, are you okay?" And I'm stunned the Principal asked.

Tired I'm so fucking tired but I nod because it's the truth, "It's going to be just fine, soon, you'll see."

If anything he's more worried but I walk off and leave him.

Class sucks and I don't see why I have to write up notes, I'm only passing the time until I can go, permanently.

Leaving school my feet pick up and I smile to myself, I'm going to Kurt's tonight and yeah his dad fucking hates me, not that I blame him but hanging at Kurt's isn't that bad, okay I have to watch musicals or do homework and I'm only allowed downstairs but that's cool, it's not home, it's not school.

Beeping my phone let's me know I have a message, Kurt's going to be late but Carole will be there so he'll meet me there.

Great.

She hates me too.

But Finn never does any yard work and it'll mean I get a bigger portion of dinner if I pitch in and help her. A dinner I can eat surrounded by people not screaming homophobic abuse at me and I'll be next to Kurt.

Climbing into my truck I start her up and for a little while I don't have to afraid.

Pulling up at the Hudmel's I park where I'm allowed to and then go to knock on the door. Carole opens it, "Dave? Kurt's not home yet."

"I know Mrs H, he said he was going to be late, I was wondering if you needed any yard work doing while I wait for him," I'm polite to her and act as non threatening as possible.

I over heard Mr H saying he didn't like me being here with her and Kurt on their own, he wanted to be here or Finn, or preferably Puck.

My volunteering means I get more food, I build up bonus points with Kurt, Finn will only glare but not pick on me not that the guy is any good at it, and Mr H always nods and relaxes when he knows I've not tried to get in the house.

"Of course there is David, you know Finn I daren't let him near any of the tools and frankly Kurt's so busy putting gloves on and keeping his clothes clean he's fairly useless too," she walks off and returns with a list, we're slowly working our way through it, a few things pop up again like sweeping leaves and I don't mind doing that.

Going to the shed I get the stuff I need and start on the back yard, by the time they get home I should be finishing up the front yard.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	5. Chapter 5

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**05**

My timing is perfect and just as I'm sweeping the last of the leaves up they all roll up for food. Kurt's driving his dad which is nice, I know Kurt idolises him, he must be telling Burt all about how he aced his audition.

Rachel and Finn are all over each other. I don't know which of them I feel sorriest for. Finn's a moron but he doesn't deserve someone as crazy as Berry in his life. And Rachel might be crazy and obsessed but dealing with someone like Finn takes way too much patience.

Only Kurt waves to me. The rest ignore me.

Tidying up I put all the tools back in the shed and brush my knees down so I won't get dirt inside the house. Then I knock politely on the door, just my luck it's Mr H and he does not look happy.

"Well come on in," he steps back and I walk in with my school bag.

"Thank you sir," I'm careful not to look at him. "Would you prefer me to sit in the dinning room while I wait for Kurt?"

"Yeah," is all he says so I take my shoes off and set up at the end they don't normally eat at. I have homework to do so I'll do that while I wait. Kurt can take ages while he messes around with his clothes.

Getting out my copy of Pride and Prejudice I start reading and get sucked in, I always thought this was just a chick book but Darcy is surprisingly hot and Kurt showed me a few TV adoptions, I think I may have developed a crush on Colin Firth.

God I really am so fucking gay.

"David?" It's Mrs H. "Do you mind setting the table please?" She rolls her eyes, "I'd ask one of the boys but Kurt's turning his wardrobe upside down and Finn…" she shakes her head.

"That's cool Mrs H," I put the book down and start setting the table as the smell of beef rolls through the house. I have to admit Mrs H and Kurt both really know how to cook.

Finished I get sucked back in as Elizabeth wanders around Mr Darcy's home and learns more about him, the dude does tend to grow on you, and then they bump into each other and…

I jump out of my skin as Kurt throws himself down into the chair next to me, "I hate my life," he says.

"Um… What happened to the amazing audition and running for President?" I'm confused, it hasn't been that long ago since he was so damn happy.

"I overheard the directors talking," he moves his chair closer and slumps against me with his head on my shoulder. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now and freeze in place, I could point out that eavesdroppers never hear good things but he won't want to hear that. "They said I owned that song and made it my bitch and then they said I wasn't manly enough."

"Really? Were they watching the same audition? 'Coz you were really hot…" Oh fuck I'm not supposed to say things like that.

"Thank you David," he snuggles closer so I can't have upset him too much. "I tried again and enlisted Rachel's help," there's a catch in his voice, one I'm sure is a not good sign, "We did a reading of Romeo and Juliet, with me as Romeo and at the point where Romeo kisses Juliet I went to kiss Rachel and she wouldn't let me, and then she laughed at me, and then they laughed at me too."

"What? That's crazy, why wouldn't she want to kiss you? You're beautiful, you're hot, you're sexy," and I'm staring at his mouth now, "You nibble that bottom lip and it goes this amazing kissable colour," when did I get so close to him? His eyes are wide and stare into mine, "How did you get eyes with galaxies swirling inside of them? Like a piece of the heavens made human strutting around and no one sees you, why don't they see you Kurt?" I ask him softly, "God you're more man that all the freaking jocks put together, so strong, so amazing…"

"Oh," his voice is all breathy and he nibbles that damn lip of his, I dream about that lip of his.

"Guys," Mr H's voice is loud and I jump again, he's glaring at me from the doorway and I shrink back from Kurt. I have to stop losing myself in Kurt like that, he's not mine, and I'm not going to be around soon anyway. "Dinner's nearly ready."

"Yes dad," Kurt's voice is a bit scratchy and when Mr H moves away Kurt leans over and kisses my cheek, "Thank you," and then he flits off.

Reaching up I rub my cheek, it burns where he kissed it, does that mean Kurt's less afraid of me? Did I do something right? I hope I did, he deserves to be happy.

Getting up I lumber off to wash my hands and Rachel passes me in the hall I step back out of her way and she sniffs at me as she looks away like I'm nothing, just dirt under her heel.

Now that's what I deserve.

Unhappy and hurting I wash my hands and go for a nice dinner. I help Mrs H carry it all in and then I get to sit next to Kurt, he's fairly quiet at dinner and he lets Rachel go on and on about her audition, I notice she doesn't mention the Romeo and Juliet disaster.

"Hey Karofsky," It's Finn. "Why were you sent to the Principal's office today?" Suddenly everyone's staring at me, most of them glaring except for Mrs H and Kurt who are worried.

"Um, I talked back to the Principal when he was talking to the janitor about my locker," I admit, I don't want to say too much because it'll upset Kurt and he's already had a bad day.

"Did they spray paint your locker again?" Kurt's angry and getting worked up.

"Yeah," I tell him and then hold his hand that's scrunching up into a fist, "It's okay, really, the first time they spelt it right, you should have seen the second go when the janitor had finished," I try to grin to make him smile, "Honestly it's only three letters, they couldn't even get that right."

"David it's no laughing matter," he snaps, and I look down at the table, "You had to cancel your Facebook and Twitter accounts because of the harassment you were getting, and you had to get a new cell phone. I saw some of what they wrote to you and no one deserves to have that said to them, no one," he's very firm about that and I nod giving him a grateful look, he's just too good for this world, I wished I believed him about me but I know I deserve the bad things.

Well that's effectively destroyed the mood and I pick at my food as the conversation hobbles on. Mr H talks about work and some of the customers he had, Mrs H tells us about her day.

Luckily Rachel's ego is so big she goes on about how she's going to be amazing in the play and we all get to listen to her babble on. If she does make it as a big star in Broadway she's gonna be damn easy to interview if very repetitive.

Clearing down the table I carry in the bowls for dessert and tuck in to the apple pie, I like pie.

Things are really tense around the dinner table and it's all my fault. I really don't want to go home yet, I want to stay here, but if I go they should have a better evening without me here.

Gathering up the empty bowls I put them in the kitchen and then hover by my chair, "Um, I should probably go, I have an English assignment due and I need to read the book and make notes."

"But you only just got in," Kurt protests, "That's not fair."

"Life ain't fair kiddo, and you can see Dave tomorrow at school, plus I don't see why he can't come over after school," Mr H says and I jerk my head up to stare at the man, he normally doesn't call me anything but 'that boy' and he's never offered for me to come round on a Friday before, that's family night.

"Fine," Kurt huffs and helps me pack up my stuff and walks me to the door. "I'm sorry they were so horrible to you at school today David," his hand is rubbing circles on my shoulder. It feels so nice I really don't want to move, "If you want I can help you with your assignment, we can meet up in the library at lunch?"

"Um thanks, and shouldn't I be the one saying sorry you had such a fucking shitty day?" I ask and he shrugs, "You deserve better Kurt."

"Thank you," he sighs, and leans into me again, I think I like him leaning into me, but I don't want him to be upset. "It's not easy being different, to be the unicorn," oh that's a reference Britt made. "I may have yelled at Britt today, I'll have to apologise to her tomorrow, she was right, I'm not the same as the other kids and that's a good thing, maybe I can show them it's okay to be different and they won't have to hide that difference they can just be themselves."

"That would be nice," I tell him, because to not hide who you are, to just be you is a freedom I don't think most of us have.

Driving home I start tensing up and when I park my truck I do think of running in the opposite direction. It won't do me any good so I get out and face up to my life.

Mom's waiting for me by the door, "David."

"Ma'am," I stare at my socks.

"Come with me," and I have to follow her into the living room, she then sits me down and shows me some more pamphlets and a book on Christian therapy to 'cure me'. "It's okay David," she pats my hand then wipes her own on her clothes like I'm contagious, "I can understand why you might be afraid of girls, why you might have unknowingly made a choice so you don't have to face up to that. The girls on the cheerleader squad are such whores, and you're such a good boy, you need someone nice and godly, then you'll realise you don't have to be afraid of women. So you read these and in a few weeks I'll introduce you to some nice young ladies and we're going to get you back. Okay?"

Oh fuck.

I've never actually told her I'm dating. I didn't think it mattered because Kurt and I are faking it, I can't have a girlfriend, even for me that's some totally whacked up shit.

Instead of standing up for myself I nod and then she sends me to my room.

Collapsing onto my bed I bury my face into my pillow and thank god I'm going to kill myself soon, I can't put up with that woman much longer.

Dragging out my English book I shove my headphones in and get lost in a world that actually has a happy ending.

Waking up my face is still in my pillow, I must have fallen asleep reading. Dragging my fat ass out of bed I shave with the new razor and after I shower I re-bandage my thumb. Mom's home so I go to school hungry to be met by an ecstatic Kurt, he's been busy making posters that make him a unicorn. I'm not sure how a bright pink poster with a horn coming out of his head is going to win him votes but it shows he has serious balls if nothing else.

Putting them up I get a few comments but mostly life goes on and then I run out of posters as a blonde Quinn walks past, oh yeah she's back in Glee now, I wonder how she's really dealing with her kid being back in Lima, she smiles when people look at her and then her eyes are as hard as stone when she thinks no one's looking.

At the end of the day I bump into a Kurt that's happy and sad at the same time, "Brittany's running for President too, she's found her own magic," we sit in the back of the auditorium as he wanted to cheer for Blaine who's auditioning today for one of the supporting roles. "I really need to win my campaign David," his head falls onto my shoulder, "But I want to support her too, she's right, there have been too many men winning this, and she does deserve to win too."

"You know you're too nice right?" I ask him, "Not everyone gets to win, but for what it's worth I wish the pair of you could win, together." I smirk, "I can't work out what would freak the kids in this school out more, the fact that a girl became President or the gay kid."

Laughing he snuggles in, "David that mean, those poor idiots can't handle one original thought, throwing two at them is cruel," but he laughs again at the idea.

On stage Sebastian walks on and Kurt tenses beside me, and the annoying Warbler kid is good, "Damn he is good," I mutter, "And he's sexy, pity he's so creepy."

That gets me a giggle out of Kurt and you can just tell from the three judges that they weren't impressed either, Sebastian has attitude and isn't afraid to use it. Smythe takes a seat to one side and then Blaine comes on and he's good too, he's a shoe in for the part that he auditioned for, one of the supporting roles.

Artie stops him, "It says on your audition form that you're only interested in the role of Bernardo."

And then I have to sit there as they pretty much offer the role of Tony to him on a damn plate by asking him to read for the role. The only good thing to come out of it is that Sebastian's furious and not happy at all. I actually feel sorry for Blaine for a second and then think screw it as Kurt whimpers next to me.

Grabbing Kurt's hand I drag him out of the auditorium and then head for the nearest girls' bathroom, damn it I'm gay, if Kurt can go in here I can too. I kinda manhandle Kurt into my arms.

"He promised," Kurt sobs, "He promised he only wanted a lesser role, he said I was a Senior, that Seniors should get a chance at the lead roles, he knows I need it for my application," and all I can do is hold him gently as he cries, I don't know what to say or do.

"I'm so sorry Kurt," I murmur and rub his back like he did my shoulder last night. "I really am so sorry."

"Finn gave me a lift in today," he sniffs, "I'll let him know I'm going home now, please can you take me home?"

"Sure," I'm there for dinner tonight anyway and I hold his hand as he texts Finn, the guy is multitalented and only needs one hand, it's kinda awesome. Driving him home I make sure to open his door for him and then I'm ready to be banished to the dinning room but Mr H is already there.

Seeing his son so upset he walks over and I mouth "Blaine," and "Tony," at him, he nods and then hugs Kurt. While I stand around cluttering the place up.

"Okay," Burt pats Kurt's shoulder, "You boys make sure the door stays open and we don't talk about the play today, got it?"

"Yes dad," Kurt's really quiet. And then he's tugging my hand and I follow him until we reach the stairs, stopping in my tracks I stare at Kurt in confusion, "He did say to leave the door open David," Kurt reminds me and I can't believe Burt Hummel is gonna let me into Kurt's room without someone there.

"Don't we need a chaperone?" I hedge.

"Nope," Mr H has snuck up on me and I may have just shrieked like a girl, "Just leave the door open, and I will be checking on you."

"Dad!" Kurt sounds scandalised and then I'm dragged up the stairs, "Sorry about him David."

"'S'Cool," I sit on the bed and then get comfy, "He loves you."

"He does, doesn't he," Kurt smiles softly and then collapses onto the foot of the bed, "Boys are all evil, not you though," he amends. Eyeing me up he sits up, "We're friends now, right?"

"Yeah," I nod unsure where this is going.

"And you think I'm attractive and sexy and manly?" His fingers toy with the bed sheets.

"Yeah, I'm not blind," I nod again.

"Okay," he nods and then crawls up the bed towards me and lays down next to me, "Okay."

And then he proceeds to stare at me, really intensely with this look of wonder on his face, it should be creepy but it makes me blush and fidget and get really hot under the collar.

When Mrs H sticks her head around the door to tell us dinner's ready I realise we've just stared at each other for like an hour not doing anything else. Going down the stairs Kurt holds my hand and smiles at me.

Something just happened and I don't get what it was, but Kurt's different and he keeps glancing at me and blushing before nibbling his lip which puts me off eating so much I miss my mouth and hit my cheek with the fork instead.

They laugh at me a little and I flush at being so fucking stupid and not knowing what I've done as Mr H tells Kurt to behave or he'll make Kurt sit in the kitchen and eat on his own, Kurt huffs and mutters but carries on eating.

After dinner Mr H says we have to sit in the lounge with him, "Why?" Kurt's getting angry, "David isn't going to do anything or try to hurt me."

I'm really not and I sit as still as I can to try and be harmless.

"It's not him I'm worried about," Mr H says and levels a look at Kurt that makes him blush brightly.

"Fine," Kurt backs down, "But we are cuddling."

"Cuddling is good," Mr H says and then I spend a really weird three hours with Kurt curled up against me as we cuddle, and I really like cuddling with him, while we watch some fashion thing that Kurt and Mrs H heckle, then a comedy thing and finally the news.

It's getting late and even though it's Friday I want to be up and out early I have dance class at the gym on a Saturday morning.

"Goodnight David," Kurt walks me to the door and he's staring at me again, he moves closer and closer until he's body is next to mine and I swallow suddenly really nervous, his face is right in front of mine and I'm shaking for some reason.

And then the door bangs open behind me as Finn barges in, "I'm home."

Kurt growls at Finn and I escape wondering what the fuck just happened. At home I sneak up the stairs without incident and lock myself in my room as the beam creaks at me.

"I know," I hiss at it, "It's complicated okay, I'm trying, but Blaine isn't cooperating, maybe Sebastian is gonna piss Blaine off and…" I throw my hands up in the air as I realise I'm talking to an inanimate object, and one I'm going to hang myself from.

Fuck my life.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	6. Chapter 6

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**06**

"Step, step, come on people listen to the music, watch those shoulders, arms," Miss K calls out and I know I have my tongue stuck out to one side as I attempt to dance my female partner around the room.

"Good, good, keep it going, just a little longer," she's saying and when the music ends she claps, "Well done, that was excellent," and I really like this class, she's never mean to anyone, she's always got time to help too.

"Thanks Dave," one of the many partnerless women in the class says as we break apart.

There are a few other men here alone but most of them are here to get laid, being gay and having a boyfriend means I get swarmed by the ones who just want to learn to dance.

"Time's up, I'll see everyone next week, keep practicing," Miss K shoos us off and I amble over to my stuff.

Grabbing my water bottle I chug some of it, I have a workout in the gym planned next, the trainer here thinks I should try out some of their new equipment, she's always nice and hangs around a lot.

"Dave," Miss K's standing near me, "Good work today, you need to concentrate on your frame a bit more but you have the footwork down and you seem to have a natural sense of rhythm, your young man is going to be very happy when you go out dancing."

"Thanks Miss K," I can feel myself blush at her praise. This place is much better than fucking booty camp.

"Actually I wanted to ask if you've ever done babysitting before," gracefully she sits on a nearby chair, "My brother's kid has hit twelve and the little brat has run off all her normal babysitters, in fact she has a bit of a reputation with them. Obviously my brother doesn't want guys around there but I've told him you're gay with a boyfriend. They don't go out that often but his wife has an office thing coming up, he wants to support her but they can't leave Kelly on her own and she's been banned from most of her friends when it comes to sleepovers."

"Um..." I've never been asked to babysit before.

"They'd make it worth your while, even if you only managed an hour before fleeing the house they'd be really grateful," Miss K tries to tempt me.

"It's not that," I hate owning up to this, "I um... I've never babysat before, or teensat, and um... I kind of got expelled at one point for some really bad bullying, to the point that Kurt transferred, I know he's forgiven me..."

"Kurt? Your Kurt?" She frowns.

"Yes Miss K," and I wait for her to turn on me, god I was such a dumb ass, if I'd only come out earlier I could have hung myself by now.

"Hmm, I'll have to let my brother know first but the fact you're dating the boy..." she breaks off, "Can I have your cell number and either Matt or I will let you know?"

"Okay?" I tell her my new number.

"Thanks Dave," she smiles and pats my arm.

After changing into my sports stuff I lumber into the gym and the second she spots me Odette hurries over, "Dave, awesome I have some new things to add to your routines," she swishes off and I follow her.

She's really nice too, her hair is long and jet black and I've never seen anyone with purple eyes before, I mentioned it to her and she said they're violet. I like her as she doesn't yell at me and she keeps encouraging me and comes up with new stuff for me to do.

The guys in the gym all glare at me, she's pretty and the woman has curves in all the right places, I've had to sit through enough locker room talk so I know what men are supposed to like. It doesn't hurt that her sportswear is really skin tight too.

Warming up and doing my normal routine she flits up to me and she's really fun, I don't get why she doesn't have a boyfriend, guess the guys are all blind or something. I get to use the new equipment and it's supposed to work my gluts. Now I'm not on any of the sports teams I don't get to exercise so much though I'm going to the ice rink to get out of the house later and this will help loosen me up for it too.

"Thanks Odette," I smile at her, "I could really feel that last lot," I know it won't do much for me, I'm too chubby and unattractive, but I always feel better for a little while afterwards.

"Oh for you Dave anytime," she fiddles with her hair and seems nervous, "Um, so you've turned eighteen already, right?"

"Yeah, it sucks that I'm still in high school but that won't last forever," and it won't, I really hope it's soon, I can't hide in the gym forever.

"You've got your whole life ahead of you," she smiles, "And I keep thinking you're older, you're so much more mature than most guys your age," I shrug at that, it's only because I'm not going out getting drunk every night and being a dick. "So what are you doing tonight?"

Wow, someone's really asking me that, I guess she's been on some kind of customer service course to engage your customers and make them feel welcome. Playing along I tell her, "Tonight I'm going ice skating, I've not been for ages and I miss it."

"Ice skating, are you going with anyone special?" And she's wrapping the end of her hair around her finger, her eyes are really big too.

"No," and that's weird she's just relaxed, "My boyfriend's busy doing family stuff and working on his class president campaign to run against the dizzy cheerleader," and now her face has fallen.

"Guess it's true what they say about the good ones," she sighs and pats my arm, "Well I hope you have a nice time tonight," she's upset and sad, she must have a problem with people being gay. I really didn't think she'd be one of them but you can't tell, it's not like they come with handy labels you can read so you can avoid them.

"Okay I will, I hope you have a nice time tonight too, thank you for your help today Odette," I say politely and she nods.

Changing I stand in the shower at the gym and fuck it why does she have to a problem with gay people, damn it now I've lost a really good trainer. Annoyed I get dressed and walk out, careful to be nice to the staff on the way, they've bent the rules for me a few times.

Odette's talking to the receptionist and as I say bye to them they don't really say much. The receptionist is rubbing Odette's arm and they both look unhappy now.

Good mood pretty much gone I get in my truck and go to a drive through, Kurt would have a cow if he saw me eating this shit and I don't care because he's not here and he won't find out. I sit in my truck and stuff my face, it's greasy junk and has the nutritional value of, well nothing, but it fills my stomach up and that's kind of it.

Dumping the garbage I sit there for a bit longer.

I've got four hours to kill and I really don't know what to do. Where can I go that's close but won't have a lot of people? The park, I should be safe at the park so I start the truck up and drive there.

Shoving my hands in my jeans pockets I meander around for a couple of hours and at one point I pass a bunch of girls, they start giggling and making weird cooing noises. Great now complete strangers are laughing at me, I checked I didn't have anything on my face but I must have missed something.

Rounding a corner so I can't see them anymore I crash onto a bench and pretend I'm having deep thoughts, knowing my luck I'll come across as constipated like Finn.

Why can't people just leave me alone? Why do they have to hate me so much, I know I hurt so many of them and fucked up big time, I know I'm an idiot but I really am going to go can't they give me a break?

Apparently not as the girls have doubled back and are now giggling at me again. What the fuck is wrong with them? Walking off I try and ditch them but they corner me in the parking lot.

I can't avoid them as they're between me and my truck, sighing and wishing I'd never come here I walk forward and hope they only giggle at me, instead one of them drops her keys in front of me and bends over slowly. Rolling my eyes I step around her and keep walking.

"HEY!" The girl screams at me, "Are you a homo or something?"

Flinching at her tone I twist to look at her, "Yeah I am," and then an explosion of giggles start up, kids can be so cruel, I just want to go home to my room but I make myself drive to the rink and I sit there struggling not to cry.

Digging my fingers into my arm I stave it off and my eyes are drawn back down to my thumb and the band-aid over it, I wonder for a moment about the girl who'd bandaged my thumb and what drives her to do it, it has to be serious.

As a distraction it sucks and then my phone rings, it's an unknown number, fuck, don't let them have found me. Snatching it up I answer it, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Dave Karofsky? My sister's your dance teacher and she said you might be mad enough to baby-sit for us?" It's a man's voice.

"Um, maybe? You don't know me and it's your kid, and I hope Miss K told you I got expelled…" I babble.

"Yeah she did, and she told me you're dating Burt Hummel's kid, that you're gay and you get good grades, oh and you're in that Glee club. Would you be interested in a trial run? We're going to the neighbours and one of us would keep popping back to check on you so if you feel the need to flee the house just come get us," he sounds desperate.

"Okay? What day, time, 'coz I have Glee practice," why am I agreeing to this?

We agree Monday night and he gives me his address. When the phone goes dead I stare at it and I'm now in the baby-sitting business, I don't know the first thing about kids or how to handle them, I'm fairly certain I can't just tranq them with a dart gun and walk away.

It's passed the time and I can finally walk in to put my skates on and as I push off onto the ice and it's like coming home. No one else is here yet and I get the place to myself. Racing, stopping, spinning, out here I'm not such a klutz, not a completely useless idiot and when the music comes on I don't care what it is I glide and dance to it.

Mixing it up a bit I hold an imaginary hockey stick and the stands are full of cheering fans as I explode into action, each and every moment I save the game over and over again and I rule this game, the crowd goes wild chanting my name.

The rink fills up with families and I have to behave, besides I haven't skated in a while I don't want to over do. I give myself challenges as I go round the rink with everyone else, I'd forgotten how much fun it is to try out skating on one foot then the other to make my balance better. Dodging and weaving around the other skates and my reflexes are being honed.

At set points I spin to skate backwards and then again to go forwards, sudden stops and changes to angles, it's so good that I forget, I forget everything and live in the moment, yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet.

Humming along to the music on the speakers I even sing bits of it and then I'm passing a group of really bad skaters clinging to the side and giggles start up. Fuck. It's them again. Avoiding them I blank them out as much as I can and then I'm doing a slow smooth fly past preparing to speed forward when the same girl yells, "Hey faggot, how about you stop showing off them fancy moves and get the hell off the ice, no one wants you here, and it's not like any hockey team is gonna take you."

Everyone stops and stares and now I can see why the girls are so bad on the ice, they're drunk, the girl nearly falls over and then she spits, "Useless homo, get the fuck out of my face, why would I want to look at something as disgusting and ugly as you!" Her words make me flinch and my happy bubble bursts.

Fleeing to the side I get the fuck off the ice and struggle to get out of my skates, no one's said anything they're all staring at me, I can't look at them, I can't look at them judging me.

I ask for my shoes and the girl behind the counter is shocked so I have to ask again, I don't bother to tie my shoelaces up, I walk out, the silence in the building smothering me and then I drive straight home.

Wanting only to lock myself in my room because this time I'm doing it, I'm really doing it, I can't take this shit anymore, I go in the house and nothing is going to stop me.

Nothing.

"David?" It's dad, please not now, please just not fucking now!

But of course it's now because I have to freaking suffer for everything, to hurt and bleed because I deserve every bad thing and I don't get to be happy, I should have known the happiness at the rink was wrong that I don't get to have it.

"Dad?" I wait for him and he looks around first.

"Your room," he points up the stairs and I sneak up them guessing he's trying to avoid mom. Once there he says quietly, "David I need you to do something for me, tomorrow in church, I need you to get me copies of all those stupid pamphlets your mom keeps giving you. Do you think you can do that? I'm not at church I have to work tomorrow, leave them under your pillow and I'll pick them up on Monday morning," he's not looking at me he keeps glancing at the door.

"Um, okay?" I have no idea what's going on he's acting kinda weird.

"Thanks," and then he hugs me. My dad hugs me. He's not done that for years. He sneaks off and leaves me behind, I don't know what to feel but I want to call him back, to ask him to make all the bad stuff go away, but I know he can't.

My legs give out and fall to the bed as I replay the hug over and over in my mind, curling up I close my eyes and try to hang on to it for as long as I can, I never thought I'd get a hug from either of my parents once they found out I was gay.

Tomorrow I'll get him the damn pamphlets on turning yourself straight through prayer and I'll pay him back for that amazing hug.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	7. Chapter 7

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**07**

Bored I stare at the stained glass windows as the preacher drones on about love and acceptance, there's a slight pause and he talks about some people needing time to realise their mistakes so that they can come back to the fold.

Of course he's staring at me now.

Awesome.

I'm not allowed to sit near anyone in case I contaminate them and they make me sit on a pew on my own right at the back.

The good thing about this seat is that I'm right near the crappy pamphlets dad wanted a copy of. He has to work today and do overtime because mom overspent the budget, again, and if we're lucky we get to eat crappy noodles for a few days. Thankfully I'm eating at the Hudmels tonight so I'll be fine, dad's hanging out at a friend's and mom's off with one of her lovers. We're all covered for food for this evening.

When the lecture's over I sneak over to the pamphlets and grab two of all the extra Christian conversion stuff mom made the preacher get in, I wonder if she was on her knees blowing him when she talked him into it. The guy's married and he has a string of lovers in his congregation, how the hell does he have time to mess around? He's supposed to be there for everyone but he isn't.

Stuffing them into my inner jacket pocket I peruse the newer pamphlets and act as enthusiastic as I can over 'Jesus loves you but you have to love and come to Jesus too', because all I can think of is that they're encouraging me to get it on with Jesus and he's a dude so how does that stop me being gay?

"David," a narcissistic voice says, "I see you've found the new pamphlets, I do hope they help you, you need to learn to embrace your inner man," I really want to learn how to embrace my manly boyfriend more. "If you need any help to return to god's fold please just let me know."

"Thank you," I manage to make it sound sincere, though I doubt he'll have time as he's too busy shoving his dick into various married women.

And I can finally escape from this personal hell called church.

Mom drops me at home and then she's off to a special 'appointment' she has a lot of those, and she always dresses up for them. As her top of the line brand new car pulls away from the curb another car follows her and that's weird it's the same one that was parked in the church parking lot.

Huh, I'll tell dad about it.

Jogging inside I vanish up the stairs and put the pamphlets under my pillow just like dad asked me too. Mom doesn't come in here, she's afraid she'll find gay porn.

Having a quick shower, to wash the stink of the church off me, I check out the stubble but it's under control, and then I glance down to the band-aid. I make myself leave the bathroom before I do something stupid and pulling on some clothes I notice one of my socks has a hole in it, damn I was hoping they'd last longer, we can't afford new socks.

I do have a paying job coming up, maybe I can use the money from baby sitting to buy new socks for me and dad, his must be turning holey now too.

Grabbing some homework and my ipod I give the house a once over but all the windows are locked up and then I fly out the door and down to my truck. I'm a little early but I can take my time and Mrs H always has yard work for me.

Parking up I'm glad the weather is so nice and get myself ready to do some work, when I ring the doorbell Mrs H answers it, I point to my watch, "I know I'm early but did you want me to do some yard stuff for you?"

"Actually no, you can come in, Kurt's in the kitchen baking," she leans forward and in a loud exaggerated whisper says, "Don't worry, your virtue's safe, I'll make sure Kurt behaves."

"I heard that!" His voice drifts out from the kitchen, "David get in here I need help."

"'Kay," I call back and then as I take off my shoes and jacket I wonder who's home with us, it has to be Mr H or Finn, or maybe Puck's hanging out, he does that when his home gets too bad for him.

Wandering into the kitchen I get a treat, Kurt in sweatpants, a very threadbare t-shirt, and his hair is pushed back by some kinda band, "Wow you really can make anything look sexy," and then I realise what I've just said.

"Thank you David," he crooks a finger at me and I stumble forward, god I have got to stop saying things like that, he's not mine.

The next two hours are a crash course in cooking, and Kurt's making pie, cookies and brownies, all of them are heart healthy and he criticises a few of the things I do until he finds out I've never really cooked before and then he backs off and shows me what to. He even praises me a little and he sings along to the radio.

One of my favourite songs, the one I sang in the auditorium just the other day comes on, and I croon along to it. Concentrating on the cookie cutter in my hand it's not until the end of the song that I look up to find Kurt and Mrs H watching me, flushing I wave at the cookies, "Are these okay?"

Barely giving them a glance Kurt nods, "They're fine David, but I didn't know you could sing like that," he stands next to me, "You have a beautiful voice but why did you pick that song it's a bit depressing."

"I like it," I shrug and put the cookies on the baking tray.

"Hmm," he's watching me carefully and then it's time to put more things in the oven to smell good and I volunteer to wash up as they clean the kitchen down.

Finished we let the various pies, cookies and brownies all cool on the surfaces with special heat mat things so the surfaces don't get damaged and then they make me sit down to watch a movie and I think it's going to be some re-run of a musical but Kurt says it's a vampire werewolf thing which I think could be cool.

He snuggles into my side and wraps his arms around one of mine, and this is good, maybe this will be fun.

Oh crap it's Twilight.

I'm forced to sit there and I try not to comment on it as both Kurt and Mrs H are caught up in the sparkly fangfest on the screen. As the credits roll I wonder how I can get out of watching anymore of them when Kurt rubs his face against my arm and maybe I can survive another film.

"The next one is much better," Kurt's arguing with Mrs H, "It has werewolves and Jacob shirtless in it."

"No dear, Edward is the way to go, so soulful, and you've read the books you know who wins in the end," she states and Kurt huffs, "Anyway I know you go for the more muscle bound types," that makes them giggle and I tense unsure where this is going. "Why don't you and Dave go and do 'homework'," she even air quotes, "Just leave the door open, I won't go upstairs but Burt will be back soon."

"Thanks Carole," Kurt grabs my hand tugging me towards the stairs, "We'll be good," and yet he's acting like he'll be anything but good.

Confused I follow him up the stairs and into his bedroom, he grumbles about the door and then he turns to me and suddenly he's very predatory and male and why the hell are my knees shaking?

Swallowing nervously I ask, "Kurt? You okay?"

"I'm just fine David," his hips sway as he moves and I back up, my legs hit the bed and I sit abruptly, "It's okay David," he says but he doesn't stop and then I have Kurt frecking Hummel sitting in my lap, well really he's straddling it.

It takes the barest of pushes from him and I'm flat on my back as he looms over me, I have no idea what's going on and then he's kissing me and Jesus Christ his mouth is hungry and soft and firm and fuck he's really kissing me.

What the fuck?

I don't know what to do. What do I do with my hands? What do I do with my mouth? My first and only kiss was with him and I kinda just slammed my mouth there and hoped, that didn't really work out.

"David," he moans and his body is stretched out on mine, his weight is baring down on me, one of his legs slides between mine and I don't know what to focus on first, or what to do to please him. I end up sort of waving my hands uselessly and then one of his snags one of mine and moves it to his ass, his curvy muscled firm ass that I've had way too many dreams about.

Under my hand his ass flexes and this hard thing presses into my leg, I don't get it and then it hits me he's hard and he's humping my leg. Freezing I let him move my other hand to his ass too, "Oh god David," he whines between kisses and this is some kinda fucked up prank, any minute people are going to jump out and yell 'surprise' and I'll be laughed at again, because Kurt Hummel is never going to be turned on by me.

Caught I don't know what to do and I think I'm starting to hyperventilate when his hand touches mine and then my hand is in his sweatpants and, shit, he's gone commando because nothing in this world can be as soft and firm as Kurt's skin and I'm really holding his naked ass.

"Yes," he groans and then a hand is running down my body and I'm moaning because I want, I need, his hand to move a bit more and then he's palming my cock through my jeans and I'm harder than I've ever been in my life, my hips move and my head presses back into the mattress because holy shit that is out of this world. A guy I'm attracted to is touching my cock, rubbing it, caressing it, and I'm having trouble thinking anymore.

Kurt's mouth moves from my mouth to my neck and I never knew there very nerves that connected straight to my dick, his hips are thrusting against me and that ass is flexing under my hand, he's purring into my ear and he licks it making my knees kinda melt.

"David, god David," his voice is low and sexy, better than any dream I've ever had.

And I can't take it, I literally can't take it, I'm drowning and it feels good and bad at the same time. "No," I sorta shove him off of me and he squawks as he lands safely on the bed, "I should probably go," I scramble off the bed and hit the floor with a thunk, grabbing my bag I aim for the door and I'm still so hard it's difficult to run but I get down the stairs in one piece.

Behind me Kurt's calling my name almost frantically and I don't stop as I hobble past Mrs H and jamming my shoes on I flee out the front door babbling about seeing people tomorrow.

Mr H, Finn, Puck, Mike and Blaine are pulling up outside and it's chaos as the returning paintballers, because with round wet paint splats what else can they have been up, want to know what's going on and I only want to get to my run down truck but then Kurt's in the doorway hopping as he puts his boots on and yells my name.

He's so handsome, his hair is messed up, his skin is flushed in all the right places, his mouth is ridiculously red and he looks like he's been kissed for hours, those sweatpants and t-shirt are rumbled and he's so fucking perfect right now.

"Kurt?" Burt's staring at him in shock and then Mr H's eyes swivel to me and I know that expression on his face I have nightmares of him slamming up against that wall. "That's my son!" And Mr H swings for me, I'm so confused I don't know what to do, I'm hardly aware of the fist hitting me and I fall stunned.

"DAVID!" It's Kurt screaming and I can see Kurt clinging to his dad's arm, "No dad, no, don't, please!"

"Kurt, that kid does not get to hurt you, or force you…" Burt's thundering and is that what happened? Did I do that to Kurt? Did I force him to do that to me? God what if I did?

Back peddling I escape to my truck and the Glee boys are advancing on me with murder in their eyes. Peeling away I go to the only place I can go, I go home, and no one else is here so I can use the kitchen and make an ice pack up to put on my face.

My phone rings and then beeps for texts. They're all from Kurt. Oh god I may have forced myself on him, but I'm sure he was on me, not me on him and he didn't force anything, he surprised me and I wasn't ready.

Sliding down the fridge door with the icepack against my face I start to sob because that's something else I've just fucked up. I'm supposed to help him win Blaine back instead I've upset his family and friends and I've probably made everything worse. Oh god I'm so stupid, such a fucking idiot, he should get Puck to help him with his plan, Puck's a screw up but he's a much better option than me.

My eyes are blurring from the tears and my hands are shaking but I text Kurt my big idea and then I turn my phone off. I don't want to read the message where he agrees and says goodbye and not to bother him anymore.

Curling up I let it all out and fuck it hurts it hurts so much.

"David?" I hand touches my shoulder and I flinch from it but it turns out to be dad, "David, son, what happened? You were supposed to go to church and then you were spending the day at Kurt's."

"I… I think we… we just broke up," I try and get out.

"Oh I'm sorry David," his hand rubs circles on my shoulder like Kurt's did and I twist around to hold him, I wait for him to push me away but he gathers me to him instead and I'm crying again.

God I'm so pathetic and weak.

"I know it hurts son but maybe you two had a communication problem, tell me about it, I might be able to help," he coaxes but I don't think this is something he can help with, the problem is me.

But he's holding me and I used to be able to talk to him, maybe if I run it past him he can show me where I went wrong and I can apologise to Kurt the right way so he can get Blaine back, the thought of someone else touching him like that makes my blood boil and pain slices through my heart so I push it aside.

"Um, we were baking, I helped him make pies, cookies and brownies. Mrs H said we could have some for dessert," I start out innocent like it did too, "We watched that Twilight movie and then we went up to Kurt's room. I'm not sure what happen next 'coz I was sorta on his bed and he was on top of me and we were kissing and I may have had my hand on his ass, his naked ass but we were fully clothed the whole time, I swear," I'm babbling again.

"Okay, what happened next?" He's calm and I lean into him.

"And then I panicked and pushed him off and he hit the bed so he was safe, I hit the floor and then I kinda ran away but his family and Glee friends were there and there was lots of shouting and someone hit me for touching Kurt and then he was hanging on their arm and I ran away," like a coward, I didn't even stay to help him, I always end up running away from him, from my problems, he's so much stronger than I am.

Shaking in my dad's arms I wait for him to tell me it was all my fault and that he's disappointed in me for being such a total waste of space. "David this is a bit of an embarrassing question but are you and Kurt physically intimate? I mean that was a very heavy petting and make out situation you were in…"

"No, we're not, I mean I haven't done anything with anyone, Kurt and I have kissed a few times and that's it," I admit and I know he's going to tell me to suck it up that men should want to have sex.

"Well then I'm proud of you," I wasn't expecting that and he's frowning, "But I'm disappointed in Kurt for pushing you further than you were willing to go, to move so quickly, he might have had a boyfriend before but you haven't, that wasn't fair on you."

"It wasn't?" I'm shocked.

"No David, if you're not ready then he should respect that and wait for you to be ready," dad's hand is soothing me more than I thought it could.

"Oh, but I'm eighteen and a virgin, isn't that kinda weird?" Everyone else has done it, I have to be the only one who hasn't.

He chuckles, "Nope, that makes you sensible and it's good that you respect yourself enough not to just throw yourself at sex, first times should be special and not something you regret," he pulls me closer, "How about I order in some pizza and we can get some pecan pie too?"

"But we can't afford it," I point out, "That's why you had to work today."

He sighs, "I didn't go to work today David, there was someone I had to see and it was the only way to get away from your mother. I can afford pizza with my favourite son and I'd love some pecan pie. We can watch star wars together…"

"But you have Michael, I thought he was your favourite son?" I can't leave it alone can I? I have to keep pushing it.

Snorting he grimaces, "He's your mother's son, not mine, you're my favourite child, and I love you David."

"Okay," I go along with it even more confused than before.

We settle in the lounge and eat pizza and pecan pie as we watch the Empire lose to the New Republic, nothing like going classic.

Collapsing into bed I refuse to think about anything at all, and fall fast asleep, tomorrow can look after itself.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	8. Chapter 8

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**08**

Oh god I am such an idiot. Tomorrow came way too quickly and I have a fucking fantastic black eye. I have no idea or plan of what to do today other than avoid Kurt as much as possible, good thing we have no lessons together and now we've broken up I can dodge booty camp.

Huh guess there is a silver lining.

Parking on the opposite side to where I normally do I duck into school and try and stay out of the way. Sneaking up the hallway I head towards my locker and at the corner I peer around it to see my locker is Kurt free. Hurrying I swap things in my bag for the locker and back again, then I slam it shut and make my escape.

"David!" A familiar voice calls and I hesitate for a second.

Spinning around I point to my watch, "Sorry gotta go, catch you laters," and then I barrel down the hallway dodging kids and fleeing the kid I know I can pick up and throw around like a rag doll, the thought of hurting him ever again makes my stomach heave.

For the whole of the morning I successfully stay away from him, this is the great thing about knowing his schedule so well, and the better thing of him not knowing my schedule at all. I have the advantage for once, it won't last but by then he'll have moved onto Puckerman and I can relax and hang myself.

At lunch I speed through the canteen, nab some food and vamoose off. They should all be in Glee for lunch but I don't trust Kurt not to ambush me and I walk down a corridor to find an abandoned classroom I can hide myself away in.

"Karofsky," a voice barks, it's the hockey coach Tanner. "A word," and I have to follow him to the locker room and into the sports office there where coach Beiste is already waiting for me.

"Hey boy," she smiles and I smile back, I like her, I always have.

"Hey Coach," I take the seat offered and tense wondering what they want.

"Dave," Coach Beiste leans forward, "You haven't tried out for any of the sports teams this year."

They leave it at that and I stare that them incredulous, "Well yeah, my 'team mates' would beat the shit of me, so I'm gonna work on my grades this year and then clear out of Lima."

Exchanging glances Tanner hedges, "How about the fact you love hockey? I saw you on the ice a few days ago," oh shit, "I was only in for a few minutes to sort out bookings but you're a natural, you move like the ice is part of you." Thank god he didn't get to witness me being kicked out of the rink. "I wish those lunk heads I have on team had one tenth of your ability to skate."

Not sure what he wants I just stare and hope this isn't what I think it is, because there's no way in hell those 'lunk heads' will accept me on the team they'll all quit.

"Course," Tanner settles back in his chair, "If I added someone they couldn't stand and forced them all to put up or get out I might end up with an empty team, one I could re-recruit for so I'd get some talent in there…"

"What's that got to do with me?" I hedge and start thinking of plans to get out of this.

Eagerly he leans forward, "I'm offering you a star spot on the team, I don't give a rat ass about the idiots I got now, they won't take me or the game seriously, they skip more practices than they attend and I refuse to lose every single game from now until the end of the season."

"They won't accept me," I tell him seriously, "Can you really protect me? Will you be in the locker room every time I gotta shower? Or get changed? Hell you'll have to escort me from lesson to lesson and probably drive me to and from practice and games because those 'lunk heads' will do their best to drive me off, and they're jocks, it won't take long until they turn physical and I hate hospital."

Loud noises crash from the locker room behind us and Beiste gets up to see what it is, she closes the door and I settle back to see Tanner glaring at me. "Kid, I don't like your faggy little ass but I need you on my team, if that means I have to protect you and your fairy girlfriend I'll do it. But you've chosen to be gay, deal with the shit you're gonna have slung at you, don't whine about it, or else change back and be straight, be a proper man, until then I will have you on the hockey team one way or another."

Glancing at the door behind me he carries on, "She's managed to turn her team around, she's gonna win the Championship again this year and I'm fucked if my team is gonna be last again. People here owe me a hell of a lot of favours Karofsky, I can destroy you and that bitch you're seeing. Oh and I got a jump on the rumours as to why you eye is all," he waves his finger at his face.

"Not only are you a fucking queer but a frigid one too, do you even know how to use your junk like a man? Don't answer that, I don't wanna know, so you are joining my hockey team and I will make the guys leave you alone, if that means I can kick 'em out, fantastic, but I will not accept total failure anymore," when he leans forward it's very threatening, "I also know a lot of coaches in colleges all round the country, imagine how easy it would be for me to torpedo college applications…"

Shit.

He's a total piece of fucking work. And he has the juice to hurt Kurt and his future. Bastard, and there's nothing I can do because the asshole's setting himself up as wanting to help the poor little gay kid.

God does NYADA even have a sports team? I don't know but what if he knows a teacher there, or he writes a bad review for Kurt? What the hell am I supposed to do now?

"Do we understand each other?" He growls.

Double shit.

I have to stall him, and agreeing shouldn't hurt Kurt, after all once I hang myself this asshole's on his own. Hmm maybe I can talk to coach Sylvester she has a sweet spot for Kurt.

"Yes," I say clearly and hope to god I can survive this long enough.

"Good," he crosses his arms, "I've looked up the Glee kids schedule and Shannon's helped me come up with new training times for you and your team," he hands me a slip of paper, and yep I can do booty camp with days and evenings to spare to do hockey.

Awesome.

I hate my life so fucking much.

The very last thing he does before he lets me go is hand me a letterman, "Welcome back to being a jock Karofsky, try not to be too gay and girly while you wear it, I don't what the image ruined."

Stumbling out of the office I flee the locker room and finally find that classroom to hide in. "Fuck," I swear and wonder how I'm supposed to get out of wearing the jacket.

Last year it was my armour, it didn't matter what else I wore I had to have the jacket, as long as I had it I was safe, invincible, nothing could touch me. And I could hide behind it as I threw Kurt about, as I hurt him, as I frightened and terrified him into changing schools because I was some out of control monster.

Touching my face I wince at the stab of pain and then I do it again, it felt good in a sick way, does that make me sick too? Christ can my life get anymore fucked up than it already is? And I know the answer is yes, in some way my life can be more of a screwed up mess.

The bell rings scaring the crap outta me and I have to leave the safety of the classroom for the jungle of the halls. Wading through the kids I'm not thinking as I go to my locker.

"David," oh fuck it's Kurt, "What are you doing with that jacket?" He's glaring at the rolled up letterman in my hand.

Shit I was gonna stuff it in my locker and hope it vanished, "Um, I kinda joined the hockey team, I'm kind of a jock again," if anything he glares harder at it and then at me.

"David I do not have nice memories of you in that hideous fashion fatality jovially called a jacket, and why did you join the hockey team? You said you were going to concentrate on your grades," his chin comes up and I know I'm in serious trouble now. "David I have been trying to talk to you since last night," he flushes and looks down, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have assumed you were interested in doing that with me, and I want to apologise to you and I do not appreciate your suggestion of Puckerman."

Huffing he glares at the jacket again, "I sincerely hope you aren't intending to wear that monstrosity and I'll see you later in booty camp," storming off in a way only true Glee kids can, and I count idiots like Hudson in that camp, he rounds the corner and I'm left standing at my locker wondering what the hell that was about.

Are we still dating?

"Yo Karofsky, guess you just beat Hummel to the title of ice queen," someone jokes loudly and the whole corridor sniggers as ice cold slushy hits my face.

Fuck. My. Life.

Pushing my jacket into my locker I have to duck into the boys' toilets to wash my face and most of my hair. Short and unstyled is so easy to look after. In class I concentrate on notes and when the teacher asks a question I deliberately put my hand up and then answer it as fully as I can, she hated me before I came out, he hates me more now and she grits her teeth as she compliments me.

At the end of the afternoon I find Kurt standing by my locker again, shit, I was hoping I'd hallucinated him earlier and I hunch up my shoulders as I get closer. He eyes me up and then smiles, "I see you ditched the jacket, I appreciate it David, I'm sorry I blew up on you, only I really hate the jacket, it's taken me a while but I've badgered the other boys into not wearing theirs. Forgive me?"

"Sure," but now I can't open my locker or he'll see the jacket.

We stand there awkwardly and then he looks at my locker, "Aren't you going to get your things?"

"Um, no. Not while you're standing there, the jacket's in there and I don't want to upset you," I huff and look away.

"I think I can survive the trauma as you stuff the jacket into the bottom of your bag David, and thank you, for thinking of me," he smiles gently and I take him at his word. Opening my locker I do just that and try to hide it at the bottom of my bag.

"Done," I close my locker.

"Walk with me to booty camp?" He asks and seems shy.

"Okay," guess he's not that upset with me if he wants to go there together.

Moving off we walk in silence and then he clears his throat as we get close to the auditorium, reaching out he stops us and we have some privacy as no one else is around.

"About last night," he hums and shifts his weight, "I'm sorry I jumped you like that, I should have asked first, it's just you've been saying things and I must have misread the signals you were giving. But that's no excuse and I want to apologise to you properly," he holds his hand out to me.

"Um… What?" I'm confused.

"David I'm apologising for pushing my attentions on you when you're not interested or attracted to me in me that way…" He's flushing and his eyes are getting red like he's gonna cry.

"What the hell? Dude you're fucking gorgeous why wouldn't I be attracted to you?" Oh shit I'm doing it again.

"I don't understand," he frowns, "Why did you say no and push me away?"

Holy crap this is seriously embarrassing, "Um… I've never…" I blurt it out in one go, "You're the only guy I've ever kissed."

"Oh!" Kurt going all bug eyed is kinda funny and cute. "Oh David I am so sorry," he steps closer, "I shouldn't have pushed you like that." Taking my hand in his he squeezes it gently, "I'll talk to dad, I'm currently grounded for jumping you anyway…"

"Huh?" Now I'm confused.

"After you escaped the mayhem last night, I had to explain what had happened and dad stopped being mad at you for getting all handsy with me and now he's mad at me for getting all handsy with you." Kurt's face is bright red, "And we had a little talk about respecting yourself and your partner, to not push boundaries, and I'm grounded for a week. Dad wants to apologise to you for punching you, and we're banned from my bedroom for a few days."

"Oh…" Kurt's dad wants to apologise to me? Why?

"So I'll talk to dad and he'll probably increase the time I'm grounded for and I'll miss the sale I want to go to but I don't care. I promise I will not do that to you again. Are you opposed to cuddling with the occasional kiss?" He gazes up and me and all I'm hearing is kissing him and being close.

"That's fine," I think, oh god, what the hell am I agreeing too?

"Yes," he dances on the spot, "Thank you David, you won't regret this."

"'Kay," I let him tug on my hand and lead me to the hell that is booty camp.

With the rumours of me being frigid and refusing to put out for Kurt circling the school I'm unsurprised when Sebastian sneers at me and makes fun of me. Tripping over a dance move I land flat on my face.

The auditorium explodes into laughter and I really don't want to get up and carry on. "David, come on," Mr Schue moves over to me, "Try it again but without the falling down," he smiles and I resist the urge to punch him, last year he was nice and encouraged me, now he only wants in Miss P's pants and a National trophy. He and Coach S should hang out more they're a match made in hell.

Getting to my feet I check my watch, not long and I can escape to go babysitting.

"Okay from the top people," Mr Schue claps his hands and I groan inwardly as I try all over again and then in exactly the same place I go down like a frecking rhino.

Swaggering over to me Sebastian Smythe peers down, "Oh what's the matter Karofsky? Your tiny little brain can't cope with the easy choreography? Or maybe it's the fact you're too fat and chubby to dance, I told you once you needed to lose weight. But hey at least you got Blaine's cast off that gay face twink, and you two ice queens can freeze each other's balls off."

Rising to my feet I scowl at the boy in front of me, "What the hell did you just call him?" How fucking dare he pick on Kurt!

"Are you deaf as well as stupid?" He pulls himself up and blisters off some words about Kurt and how his fashion sense is better suited to something but now I'm seeing red.

Grabbing Sebastian's shirt I lift him off his feet with one hand, guess all those gym visits have paid off, "I'm only going to tell you this once, you do not ever disrespect him," I rattle the kid slightly from side to side. "He's faced up and overcome so much more than you'll ever have to face you fucking piece of shit. He's worth thousands of you. He's the strongest, sweetest, nicest, bitchest, snarkist, prettiest guy I've ever met." I pull Sebastian closer to me and bite out, "You do not talk about or to him like that, ever."

"Or what?" The kid squirms in my grasp but I'm far stronger than him.

Or what? Damn good question and I let my full on scowl out while I think, ow that caught my eye again. And there is the perfect answer.

I know I have an evil face and I don't hold it back, some of my former victims actually step back, "Kurt's too nice sometimes, he tries to be friends with people, to get a long. I'm a nasty fucking bastard Sebastian and I am more than happy to tell his dad what you call Kurt."

Gasps fill the auditorium and a few of the Glee kids look impressed.

"Now don't get me wrong, Kurt's more than capable of dealing with a useless piece of trash like you, but there's no way in hell I am gonna stand there and let you put him down like that, the point of being his boyfriend is to have his back and support him," showing off a bit I sorta throw the lanky brat a few feet from me and he stumbles to fall flat on his ass.

Blaine drifts over to him but he's looking really guilty for some reason and Smythe is not happy with him in the slightest.

Kurt drifts over to me and touches my hand, "Thank you David, for defending me, you're right I can do it myself," he sighs and steps closer, "But it's nice to have someone step up and help me for once."

Mr Schue makes us do the routine again and I'm riding high on making Kurt smile for once, when we reach that point and I stumble hitting the stage with a very loud thump.

Fuck my life.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

Hi, some of you have asked so I will clarify, yes Kurt and Dave did start dating at the end of summer as Kurt wanted Blaine back… As you may have noticed Kurt's priorities appear to be changing, perhaps Dave should stop being such a naturally good boyfriend (or not).


	9. Chapter 9

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

* * *

><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**09**

"All right you useless idiots hit the showers!" Tanner's screaming at them and I'm not looking forward to changing in there, I'll hang back a little and then change and go to Kurt's. "Oh and guys, now you've seen what a real hockey player can do, I expect you to either act like jocks or get the hell off my team."

The group of exhausted and out of shape jocks all groan and wobble as they skate to the edge of the rink. I watch them go and then smoothly push off to glide easily across the ice.

Stepping down I walk to a nearby seat and unlace my skates, I hope I'm going to time this right so I don't get my ass kicked by my team, especially after Tanner's just used to me to show up the entire team and has gone on and on about how much better I am than them, how I'm a future champion and they're not.

Nothing like going one on one and then Tanner changed the game so they got to gang up in two's three's and even four's against me and I still thrashed them, by the end they were whipped and had lost their fight, it won't last long.

Nervously I reach the door to the locker room in my socks and I can't run because all my stuff is in there. A cough from behind me and Tanner's standing there, "I told you I'd be there, now go get changed Karofsky."

With the Hockey Coach sitting on a nearby bench I get changed while the idiots all shower and grumble and plan revenge, a revenge I can hear and so can Tanner, what's scary is the giant smile spreading across his face. I'm glad I'm not in his firing line.

Dressed, sweaty and smelly, god Kurt's going to freak at me, I stand up and go to leave, "Sir? Thank you for keeping your promise."

"Thank you for turning up to practice and putting all those punks in their place," he nods and then I get to leave even as I see him stand up.

Hurrying I flee before the blood bath starts up.

Out in the cold I go to my truck and starting her up I sit and text Kurt before I put my phone away and then put my seatbelt on and take the brake off to leave.

Pulling up outside Kurt's I start to shake a little and I'm fucking terrified of going in there, Burt Hummel scares the shit out of me. Touching my face I wince and wonder if I can somehow score an extra round of babysitting instead, it didn't go too badly yesterday, she was a total bitch but I may have intimidated her into behaving for a few hours.

I think we got on okay in the end and she subjected me to some teen girl angsty drama things and then she went Twilight on me and I nearly left the house screaming, but I stuck it out and I'm back over there in another week or so.

The money wasn't bad either and I felt bad taking it all but her parents were so grateful they were happy to pay, I gave half of it back and I still have plenty for gas and socks for me and dad.

Texting dad I tell him I'm going into the Hummel's and he's already told me if Burt gets angry to get out and if Kurt gets handsy to say no and if I have to I will leave and dad'll talk to Burt about it.

Embarrassed that my dad is having to step in to something I should be handling I ease out of my truck and trudge up to the door to knock. Before I get there Kurt's opening up the door and smiling, "David, you made it!" He's almost excited and giddy for some reason.

Ushered inside I take off my trainers and coat and then Kurt wrinkles his nose, "David did you shower?"

"Um, no, the guys weren't happy with me and I wasn't chancing the showers," I look at my feet.

"Oh those Neanderthals!" Kurt sounds mad, "Dad, can David use our shower? I promise to stay down in the living room with you the whole time," and oh shit Burt Hummel's here already.

"In a minute Kurt, I have something to say to Dave first," and the guy is waiting for me so I go over. "Dave, I am really sorry for the other day, I know I'm protective of Kurt and I know you two have history together but that does not excuse me. I was wrong and…"

Holy shit, the guy really is apologizing. Shocked I babble, "It's okay sir, really, I'm glad you're so protective of Kurt he deserves it, people should look out for him more."

"David…" Kurt's eyes are huge as he looks at me and I'm blushing.

"Yeah, well kid," Burt rubs the back of his neck, "Thank you for being the better man about this, and I promise that Kurt will not get out of hand again," Kurt gets a scary look from Burt and wilts, "And if he does you let me know, I do not want either of you pressuring the other into doing things you aren't ready for. There's no harm in waiting, and frankly thirty is a great age to wait until…"

"Dad!" Kurt squeaks outraged.

"You, living room," and Burt waves Kurt off who huffs and flounces off to a chair, "And you, upstairs, go and get showered, you can always use our shower after practice. We'll be down stairs when you've finished."

"Yes sir, thank you sir," politeness can't hurt and I creep up the stairs to hear the sounds of video game battles going on.

The bathroom is nice and I happily wash, it doesn't take me long, and as I exit the room I almost bump into Puckerman who just nods and keeps walking down the stairs.

Following him I end up in the living room sitting next to Kurt who curls up against my side as we watch Deadliest Catch, it's one of the good episodes and I'm soon sucked into it as Kurt holds my hand and plays with my fingers.

Dinner's a bit tense with Finn and Puck there, the guys seem to have made up again after last year and Puck's bragging about Beth and how smart the kid is already.

Helping Mrs H clear up I end up in the living room with Kurt resting his head on my shoulder and holding my hand. And yay we get to watch Twilight 2, I'm sure there's some kinda difference but I don't know what it is and then when the werewolf kid starts getting his shirt off all the time Kurt wiggles a bit next to me and then settles down again.

Both Kurt and Mrs H sigh at the end and then wrangle over Team Edward and Team Jabob, when Mr H steps in, "So what you're telling me is my wife would leave me for a moping teen and my son would leave Dave for an angry wolf."

Instantly they start back tracking and then Kurt's eyeing me funny when Mr H says, "No Kurt, you are not nagging him into wearing cut off shorts and walking around topless to feed your werewolf addiction," and Kurt goes so red I think he was thinking of that.

Confused I flush too but I don't understand and I know he's not interested in me, he wants Blaine, and he thinks I'm chubby.

It's a school night and I have to go home. Walking me to the door Kurt makes plans to see me at school tomorrow and he's holding my hand. Mr H has drifted closer and watches as Kurt hugs me goodbye.

Driving home I'm not sure what the hell is going on with Kurt, maybe he's trying out a new angle on his get Blaine to come back plan. Dad's waiting for me checking things went okay at the Hudmel's and I get another hug from him before I go to bed.

Things are starting to look up in my life and I go to bed hopeful for once.

The hope lasts until the next day when I'm a frigging rainbow of slushies within five fucking seconds of walking in to the school, awesome, it's only Wednesday and I already want it to be Saturday.

Teachers walk by me blindly and I growl to myself as they ignore the rampant bullying going on around them. Fuckers, no wonder I was able to get away with the kind of shit I pulled, they should have slapped me down a lot earlier.

Israel is standing there with his video recorder, and then he scurries off to go put that on his blog.

I don't know what's upset the jocks today but they are out for blood and four slushy attacks later I give up changing clothes as I've run out clean clothes. I'm slammed into lockers repeatedly and it's shocking how none of the jocks are hockey jocks.

Gee I wonder who's setting this up? Duh.

Apparently Coach B is serious about backing Coach Tanner because after two football jocks grab me and do their best to throw me into a bank of lockers she catches them and kicks them off the team, they protest and she just holds her hand out so they have to give their lettermans up.

If anything it makes things worse and by Thursday's booty camp I'm sore all over, pulling my t-shirt off I hear a hiss and I turn to see Mike staring at my back in horror, "Dude, the jocks?"

I shrug it off, "It's fine."

"No, no, it's not man," he nods, "I'll break your moves down more, give you a chance to heal up."

He does too and I get a few muttered comments and frowns at his preferential treatment. I still go down at one point but Mike hurries over and tells me to sit the rest out and when he asks me if I need the nurse everyone stops and stares.

The Glee kids understand but the Warblers just frown harder.

"David," Kurt kneels by me, "If you need the nurse, even to just document your injuries…"

"I'm okay," I reassure him, Jesus after everything I've put him through, you'd think I could handle a few bruises.

Mr Schue hesitates and asks, "How bad has it been?"

It's Quinn that answers, "Bad."

Nodding the teachers offers, "The choir room is only for Glee kids, go there anytime, and that's for any and all of you, and my office is always open to you, as is Miss Pillbury's."

Then they go back to dancing and I sit it out feeling like a fucking failure for wimping out, but from here I can see what Mike's getting at and it finally clicks in my head, I think I actually got it. Huh, it's easy now I can see it.

Going to change I zone out the guys around me like I always do, it's the best way to not get an obvious physical reaction when there are naked male bodies around me.

Except as I take off my t-shirt again I get a few impressed whistles with swear words and then Kurt's saying my name looking upset and close to tears. He's hurrying towards me and I realise I have my shirt off, oh god, don't let him see my stomach, except it's too late to hide it by sucking it in and I hold my t-shirt up and fend him off, "Dude! Seriously I'm half naked."

Stopping in his tracks he stares at me, "But you're hurt, and Blaine and Sebastian are both gay too," In fact he looks hurt.

"Yeah, but they don't count, I'm not interested in either of them," and that earns me a pleased smile from Kurt, "Turn around."

Huffing he does and crosses his arms, "Fine but Carole is looking at you when we get to mine for dinner, she's good with injuries David," and I agree and grab my other t-shirt to put on when I realise he's peeking.

"Kurt!" And I have to hold that t-shirt up to try and deflect his gaze.

"I'll go round the corner," and he does.

Keeping an eye out I hurry out of my sweat pants and hop about pulling on my jeans and then I can call out, "Okay I'm dressed…" but the rest of the words are caught on my tongue and I choke as he glides back around the corner with only his painted on jeans and I can see all of that fucking toned chest and shoulder and arms and the tiny bit of hair on his stomach that trails down to his jeans.

"Holy fucking hell you're fucking gorgeous," I think I must have said that aloud as all the guys snigger at me and how stupid I am. I spin around and hope no one notices the bulge in my pants.

Of course Puckerman's in the room and points at the evidence humiliating me further, "Dude I think your jeans ain't gonna take the strain."

"Fuck off and die Puckerman," I snarl and they only laugh harder and I really mean that I want to die, god I hate it when people laugh at me for being so stupid.

"Okay I'm dressed too," Kurt's voice is breathy and purrs so I glance to see that yeah his shirt is on and done up, "Just let me put my boots on," and he sashays off that ass of his swaying.

"Oh god," I whimper and jam my feet into my trainers and practically fall over myself to get ready for when he comes back. A few more of the guys laugh but no ones looking at me.

Well except for Blaine who's a bit wistful, that's good right? It means he's maybe realising he's missing Kurt, but I want to keep Kurt longer and that's selfish of me. Upset at yet another reminder of what a complete dick I am I wait for Kurt and then he's there taking my hand and we go over to his for the evening.

"David," he's sitting in my truck as I park up, "I didn't mean to embarrass you like that, but…" he bites his lip, "I thought it was only fair that you got to see me topless because I accidentally saw you topless. And David? I liked what I saw," he hops out and waits for me as I practically fall out of the truck and then he takes my hand again and leads me to the house. I am so out of my depth here and decide to keep quiet for now.

The Hudmel residence is much nicer now and Burt's relaxed a lot, Carole gives me extra vegetables and Kurt beams at me. Even Rachel has been less frosty when she's here.

Mrs H fusses over me when we get there and leads me into another room, one Kurt's banned from and I can hear him pacing outside occasionally calling out advice to her and telling me to be strong.

"David," her hand is gentle on my shoulder, "These are far beyond the excuse of 'horsing' around that they use, this is targeted and violent, you have to tell someone."

"No one cares at that school," I shouldn't bring it up, "You know what they're like, after everything with Kurt, I could drop dead in the middle of a class and the only thing they'd see is a waste disposal problem, probably with an extra bill for crane hire to move me too," my voice is bitter.

"David," her arms are warm and she's like a mom off the TV, "Sweetie, I wish I could make them see you properly, I wish they could just understand…"

"But they won't, and they never will," I pull away from her and drag my t-shirt back on, "Thanks for patching me up Mrs H."

"Any time, I just wish you kids didn't need it, I wish the others would stop being toddlers throwing tantrums," and I get another shoulder squeeze.

Kurt ambushes me the moment I walk outside and we sit to do our homework, he's kinda all over me without touching me once, and I think I like it but I'm scared I'll like it too much, I'm going to lose him to Blaine, I don't want to lose him. I should tell him how Blaine looked at him but I keep my mouth shut instead.

Mr H gets home with Finn and Carole's talking to them softly. Mr H looks grim and so does Finn, and then we get Finn sitting down with us doing homework too.

"Dude," Finn's whisper is as loud as any shout I've ever heard, "Me and the guys, we talked to the football jocks, they're gonna back off a bit, and they hinted that the hockey team have been setting you up. They're kinda pissed at you right now."

"Um, thanks?" I offer and of course it's the hockey team behind it, they're a bunch of talentless morons and they know Tanner's looking to replace them.

We have dinner and Mr H pulls me to one side and he's willing to go with me to the school to lodge a complaint about the jocks picking on me. Yeah like that'll make them back off, I thank him and promise to tell him if it gets really bad.

The highlight of the day is I get to lounge on the sofa on my stomach with my head in Kurt's lap as he runs his fingers through my hair. Oh god. The touch of his fingers on my scalp is amazing and I'm glad I can hide my erection from his dad who'd kill me if he noticed.

Then I have to go home and I really don't want to, I want to stay here, I don't want to have to face reality. But I go out into the dark and the cold to drive home alone leaving Kurt safe and happy with his family.

Mom's waiting for me and at first she thinks I'm walking funny because I've been engaging in unnatural acts and she screams at me until I show her the bruises on my back, "No Mrs K, really, it's the guys from school they locker slam me."

"Good," she snarls viciously, "You deserve it David, you deserve it, you evil damned creature, if it wasn't for the fact you're just like your father I'd know you were adopted, that my perfect child had been swapped with you by accident. God I wish I'd aborted you."

Visibly reining in her temper she stands up, "David, your brother and sister are coming over in a few weeks and I want you to be normal, don't you dare embarrass us when they're here with their families, try not to be too close to the kids in case they catch it too, in fact try and stay out of the house if you can. Now go to your room."

Trudging up the stairs I shut the door and then fall face first onto the bed, damn, this evening had gone so well too. Curling up I try to catch hold of the feeling of Kurt touching my hair and I smile but then the beam creaks and I know it's just a matter of time.

Sighing I get ready for bed, tomorrow's Friday and in the ever changing schedule of Glee and Hockey I have booty camp to look forward to. Awesome. I think I have the moves right so I suppose Mike'll change them tomorrow and I'll have to start all over again.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	10. Chapter 10

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

I own nothing, literally, especially not the song that's about to be sung.

_Italics_ are Dave singing.

* * *

><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**10**

If I thought Thursday was hell then I was mistaken, that was just the warm up, this is the real deal. Screw you Tanner, the fucker made us turn up before school to practice, and he knew there was a big jock party Thursday night, so guess what, no other jocks turned up, just me and the bastard still put me through my paces brutally.

Scrubbing myself in the shower I'd been a bit surprised when he'd followed me in and the look on his face when he saw my bruises was priceless, guess he now knows why I asked him for protection before allowing him to blackmail me back onto the team.

Staggering into the school the rumour mill was going crazy about Tanner putting every single hockey jock on probation, they screw up even once and they're out.

In hindsight I shoulda known the shit was gonna hit the fan, or me in this case. I know just about every trick in the book, I've beat up other kids, I know what to look for, which teachers are too busy to care, which is most of them, or too stupid to care, again most of them.

The attacks are relentless, they're only small attacks, ankle trips, slushies, shoves, but it doesn't stop once. Ducking into the girls' bathroom I hear the comments start up and I can't believe I'm reduced to this, Jesus I used to be one of them.

"Christ was I really that much of a dick?" I mutter and go to the sinks to wash the worst of the sticky slushy off of me.

"Yes," a girl's voice says and I twist to see the girl who gave me a band aid curled up and sitting on a toilet. She's not trying to pee, she's fully dressed and I guess she's hiding as much as I am.

"Then I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I was dumbass jock who made your life more of a hell than it should have been, you should never have had to go through it, you should never have had to go through any of it," and I mean every word.

Sighing she nods and I carry on washing waiting for the bell so I can make my escape. Drying my face and putting my head under a drier I can't wait to get out of school, god I hope the jocks stop soon, maybe they'll calm down over the weekend, and I know they won't, if anything they'll be worse because they'll have had time to plan.

Sitting on the floor I curl my knees up and rest my head, I remember Santana telling me about her plan to get Kurt back so he could sing and they could go to Nationals, I remember her holding my balls, well technically she was holding my balls, as she'd out me in a heartbeat if I fucked up, and I remember lying to the Glee club when I told them how I'd read about kids offing themselves because they felt so bad, I hadn't, I didn't realise, now I do.

Karma is a bitch.

The bell goes and I give it another minute before I get up, looking at the girl who's not moved I ask, "Are you going to class?" She shakes her head, "You want me to get the nurse or something?"

"No," she curls up and I don't want to leave her, "It's okay Karofsky…"

"Dave," I correct, "Please, call me Dave. Karofsky's a bullying dick, Dave's just a harmless idiot."

"Dave, it's fine, I have study, I just don't want to go out there, I just need a little more peace first," she's so calm but I nod, god do I get needing peace now.

"'Kay, just try and be careful?" And I have to leave her to turn up late to class and a mini lecture on punctuality, the teacher blindly ignores all the slushy stains on my clothes, bitch.

I can't believe I'm looking forward to booty camp. Anything to get out and away from these dicks who think they're funny and special and that the world belongs to them, boy are they in for a surprise one day.

Changing for booty camp I try and stay out of Kurt's way I don't want a repeat of yesterday and then Mike leads us through the same moves and this time I get it and don't go down like a dead rhino. Finally something that isn't totally fucked up today.

At the end everyone leaves and I volunteer to clean up, I got a song buzzing round my head and I think I'm infected with the same strange Glee bug because I actually want to sing, oh god, kill me now.

Kurt's going with the girls, or Rachel in this case, to do things that involve giggling and I'll be round his for family dinner later. And then everyone is gone and I'm alone. I do tidy up first and then I get changed into nice clean clothes I brought in special for dinner later.

Slotting in my ipod I wander into the middle of the stage and let it all go, every mask, every wall, just me and the music, even if it is clichéd, it feels good to sing it.

The music starts up, violins playing, and who woulda thought Coldplay would do that?

_I used to rule the world_  
><em>Seas would rise when I gave the word<em>  
><em>Now in the morning I sleep alone<em>  
><em>Sweep the streets I used to own<em>

And I did used to own it, or I thought I did, what a dick, I own jack shit and I always have I had just the illusion of owning anything.

Rhythm moves through me and before I know it I'm dancing along to the music and most of the moves are the ones Mike's been patiently trying to teach me, some of them must have stuck though.

_I used to roll the dice_  
><em>Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes<em>  
><em>Listen as the crowd would sing<em>  
><em>"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"<em>

_One minute I held the key_  
><em>Next the walls were closed on me<em>  
><em>And I discovered that my castles stand<em>  
><em>Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand<em>

It's like they've written my life in a song, me thinking fear was respect, and then everything crashing down around me.

_I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
><em>Roman Cavalry choirs are singing<em>  
><em>Be my mirror, my sword and shield<em>  
><em>My missionaries in a foreign field<em>

_For some reason I can't explain_  
><em>Once you go there was never<em>  
><em>Never an honest word<em>  
><em>And that was when I ruled the world<em>

All the time I thought I was a duke stud of a jock all I did was live a lie, a big lie, and when the truth came out I stopped being that duke stud I thought I was and became me, not special, not strong, and certainly not a king, prom king crown not withstanding.

_It was the wicked and wild wind_  
><em>Blew down the doors to let me in<em>  
><em>Shattered windows and the sound of drums<em>  
><em>People couldn't believe what I'd become<em>

_Revolutionaries wait_  
><em>For my head on a silver plate<em>  
><em>Just a puppet on a lonely string<em>  
><em>Oh who would ever want to be king?<em>

God their faces when they realised I was gay, that I'd hidden amongst them for so long, that I'd stood in the same showers as them, talked and made up shit about girls.

Now they really do want my head of a silver plate and Tanner's strung me up like a puppet on one tiny breakable string. Who the fuck would ever want to be me?

_I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
><em>Roman Cavalry choirs are singing<em>  
><em>Be my mirror, my sword and shield<em>  
><em>My missionaries in a foreign field<em>

_For some reason I can't explain_  
><em>I know Saint Peter won't call my name<em>  
><em>Never an honest word<em>  
><em>But that was when I ruled the world<em>

Of course St Peter won't call my name, after everything I've done, everything I've put people through, and my up coming suicide, naw there're no pearly gates for me, I don't deserve them, I never will.

I join in singing the "Oohh," bits and let the dance take over for a few seconds of instrumental before the last part of the song comes up.

_I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_  
><em>Roman Cavalry choirs are singing<em>  
><em>Be my mirror, my sword and shield<em>  
><em>My missionaries in a foreign field<em>

_For some reason I can't explain_  
><em>I know Saint Peter won't call my name<em>  
><em>Never an honest word<em>  
><em>But that was when I ruled the world<em>

As the music starts to fade I stand and build my walls back up and put my mask firmly in place, time to sweep the stage and then go to Kurt's for dinner. The bang of a door makes me look up but there's no one there and I decide to cut the sweeping short, I'm making work anyway and then I hurry out of the school and jump into my truck.

At Kurt's I knock politely and offer to do yard work but Mrs H ushers me and makes me help her in the kitchen, it's nice and warm and I can have some raw carrot to tide me over until dinner.

Things are going great but then she makes me take my shirt off and she gasps, "Dave, oh Dave, what are they doing to you?"

"Revenge Mrs H, they're doing revenge," I awkwardly pat her shoulder and I end up comforting her, "It's okay, really, it's not like it's going to go on forever, it'll stop soon."

I end up with a free cookie so that's not so bad and then Kurt's there so we do homework, I've never been this up to date with my homework before and we have a nice dinner, I can stay late because it's not a school night and I only have dance lessons and the gym tomorrow. Then hockey practice at the rink with Tanner and any jock that decides to turn up.

Hopefully they'll all skip and I can play hockey on my own, without them getting in my way I probably would play better.

Putting my arm around Kurt we sit watch some comedy thing he likes, he's got the box set and it's kinda funny, Mr and Mrs H join us and it feels a bit like family, I wish dad could be here, he'd like it.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

Song is a bit predictable but I like it and it is 'Viva La Vida' by 'Cold Play'.


	11. Chapter 11

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

* * *

><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**11**

Miss K is really impressed with me today and my partner for the last dance gushes happily, I haven't trodden on her feet once.

Smiling I go to the gym.

And then I spot Odette.

Crap I've tried to forget about her and her homophobia. I know the routine I normally do and the dancing's warmed me up so I can do a quicker warm up making sure I get all the muscles I'm going to use in a moment ready.

Settling on the first piece of equipment I check all the weights out and then run what I need to do through my mind before I even move. It's no use doing the damn exercise if I can't do it properly, I'll end up hurting myself and overstretching the wrong muscles.

Half way through a soft voice says, "Hey Dave."

It's Odette and she's smiling at me, a bit sad but still a smile. Grunting and letting the weight come to rest I smile back, "Hey Odette, you doing okay?"

"I'm fine," she's fiddling with her hair again, "You?"

"Peachy," I lie and she laughs brightly.

"Really?" She counters.

"No, school's shit and I can't wait to leave," I admit, "College has got to be better than High School, less idiotic dicks for a start."

Nodding she sits on a bench near by, "Yes Dave, College really is better, there are still idiots but you'll find they tend to leave and the people who want to be there stay, and they tend to be more interested in partying than picking on people," she frowns, "It still happens but the college's usually step up and stop things getting bad."

"God that would be good," I mutter and go back to lifting weights.

And with that we go back to normal like last week never happened. I've read about people that freak out when they first find out and later come around to the idea, maybe she's one of those. She's still giving me weird looks and seems sad but that's all.

It makes the whole exercise thing go so much faster and I make her laugh a few times at my jokes. I get a few dark looks off the guys here but if the trainer wants to give me free help then I'm up for that.

Warming down I go to get changed, I don't bother showering, I have hockey after I chomp through the sandwiches dad made me this morning, he hopes I have a great day at hockey and I nearly snorted at the thought of that, how the hell am I supposed to have a good day at practice?

The sandwiches mean I have time to turn up at hockey and digest my food while Tanner and I wait quietly for absolutely no one to turn up to practice. I don't think they realise just how happy that's made the coach and then some guy turns up, he must be a friend of Tanner's and they're soon talking and back slapping.

Fuck Tanner is a sadistic asshole.

He seriously puts me through my paces and pushes me to the limits of what I can do. "Take a breather," he calls out at last and I try to lean against the side and not wheeze like a bellows, I'm not sure I pull it off.

Then both Tanner and the guy get on the ice and make me go two on one against them, and I get to learn the humiliating lesson of why Tanner's the hockey coach. He's good, I mean he's pro good and he doesn't hold back. His friend is shockingly better and I am soundly thrashed, but I refuse to give up I make them fight for every goal, for every second they have the puck.

"Enough Karofsky, hit the showers kid, you did good, you did damn good," and as I skate off he's says, "See, I told you I had a kid with talent."

He can't mean me can he? Confused I go and take a shower in the safe knowledge that it's just me. The water feels so good and I soak a bit letting the heat hit my many bruises.

Drying and dressing I'm towelling off my hair when they walk in and Tanner nods, "So that's why I'm kicking all the fuckers off my team, seriously, they're a bunch of useless assholes, I'm not going to waste my time teaching them if they can't even be bothered to turn up to most of my practices."

"I can see your point," the other man is agreeing, "But all the jocks off the team bar the wonder kid? Man be prepared for the parents to hunt you down like a dog…"

"Nah, got it covered," Tanner's confident, "Not only have most of their grades slipped but they've all missed too many practices, I've got them both ways and they are gonna have to work to get back in my good graces, I got the letters all ready for them on Monday, I can't wait to hand them over."

Uh-oh.

I think Tanner's really going to kick all the jocks off the team, I'm so fucking dead when that happens. Crap just when things were starting to look up too.

Grabbing my things I head for the door with a polite thanks and bye for the Coach. Now I just have to go to Kurt's and I can finally relax for a few hours.

Mr Hummel's waiting for me at the door and as I begin to freeze he winks at me and then calls out, "Kurt! Get in here now!"

Flouncing into the room with poise and grace my fake boyfriend swaggers over to me, "Hi David, and hi dad, what can I do for you?"

Crossing his arms and suddenly looking really intimidating Mr H says, "Well Kurt, it's Saturday, you've been grounded for a week, barring Glee related things, and the restrictions are lifted today," I have no idea what he's talking about but Kurt must as his whole face lights up. Lifting a finger and waving it as his son Mr H is firm as he says, "Just remember no means no, the door is open at all times, and you do not push boundaries."

Flushing bright red Kurt nods and he's staring at his feet, "Yes dad, I'm still really sorry and it won't EVER happen again."

"Okay, go have fun," and Mr H freezes muttering, "I can't believe I just said that," clearing his throat he says more loudly, "Help Carole for dinner and that's all the parental interference you're getting kiddo." Turning to me Mr H pats my shoulder, "Dave if he gets out of hand and won't take no for an answer come to me, I raised my son to be better than that."

Baffled I stare at him and then nod, "Yes sir," I have no idea what I'm agreeing to, but it becomes pretty obvious as Kurt grabs my hand and drags me up the stairs into this bedroom. A bedroom who's door is kept open, Kurt even puts a book down to keep it open.

Sitting on the edge of his bed composed and gorgeous he pats the covers next to him and gives me big eyes. Hesitatingly I sit down and realise I'm still holding my backpack in my hands but I hang on to it to give myself something to do with my hands.

"I picked up some good bargains at the mall," Kurt's smiling at me and then he shudders, "Never let Rachel help you with shopping, she tries her best but she just has no concept of fashion," and then I get to listen to him tell me all about his trip, some of it goes over my head, but I get most of it and I'm soon laughing at his descriptions of people and sales assistants, and oh god the escalator moment.

He's turned and is sitting relaxed and smiling on his bed when his dad's head comes round the door, "Hey guys, can you help Carole?"

"Sure Mr H," I stand up grinning and hold a hand out automatically to Kurt who graces me with the privilege of helping him stand.

I never realised that getting dinner ready could be so much fun, Kurt and Carole are really nice and help me learn how to do the things they want me to do, and then Carole is happy to take as long as she needs to so I can understand cooking times and getting everything ready at the same time.

Dinner is wonderful and I happily eat everything in sight, Finn is his normal self, Mr H talks about the garage with his sons and I don't get most of it but they do and Kurt clearly understands all of it. Carole talks about her work too and then they ask me about my day.

"Um, I went to the gym and then I went to hockey practice, none of the other jocks turned up so Coach came on the ice," I'm not sure if I'm supposed to talk about Tanner's friend or not. "He's really good at hockey and I didn't even stand a chance at holding my own against him, I think I learnt a lot from it though, including the bit where there are guys out there who are way better than me."

"That's always a tough one to learn," Mr H is nodding.

"We're not always as unique as we think we are," Kurt grimaces, "But it makes us work harder to be better instead of coasting along."

"Huh?" Comes from Finn and for once I'm not the one who's the butt of the joke but I hate it when it happens to me and Hudson's frowning.

"Um, they said that no matter how good we think we are, there is always someone better, but that's no reason for giving up, instead we should work harder so we can be as good as the other person," I try and explain.

"Oh," he thinks it over and it's almost painful to watch, "That makes sense," and the boy nods, "Thanks," we share a nod and that's that.

After dinner Kurt manages to bedazzle his dad and sneak me back up to his room, I go to sit on the bed like we were earlier but Kurt talks me into sitting with my back against the bed rest so we can watch the comedy series he'd just bought.

I feel really stupid that he's careful to tell me that he won't do anything, I'm stronger than him and I've already proved I can shove him off of me, but he still talks me through how he's going to be sitting and we watch the TV and hold hands on his bed.

Now this is something I never thought I'd get to do and he hums and laughs at the program as I chuckle at the joke and wrestle with myself about him and Blaine. Maybe not saying anything about how Blaine looked at him is a good idea because then Blaine will redouble his efforts to get to Kurt? But what if he gives up without a fight? Except this is Kurt and Blaine so I'm sure he'll get the idea and come sniffing around Kurt soon.

Refusing to dwell on that or the fact the ex-hockey team are going to kick my ass on Monday I enjoy the evening with Kurt and he kisses me goodbye at the door.

Dazed I must have driven home but I don't remember any of it at all. Wanting to sneak in and avoid mom I open the door quietly and put my sandwich box in the dishwasher.

Congratulating myself I turn to see her standing in the doorway, "Well, did you have a nice day?"

She's being nice and my stomach plummets, "Um, yeah? I went to the gym, and I went to hockey practice, Coach Tanner said I did good…"

"Excellent," she interrupts and I'm glad I don't have to cover the time I was at Kurt's, "Tomorrow dress up nice for church, you'll get to meet your new girlfriend."

"What?" I blurt in shock. Girlfriend?

"Yes, her name is Daisy and she's eager to meet you too," and then she's gone.

In shock I stagger to my room and try and make sense of it all, how the hell am I supposed to have a girlfriend?

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

Hi, I'm really sorry but I'm suffering from writers block (still) and can't seem to shift it. So I won't promise there will be an update next week, it might be two weeks, again sorry about that, it should shift soon (I hope).


	12. Chapter 12

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

* * *

><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**12**

Skulking in the church I try and avoid the gaze of any woman between the ages of nine and ninety. I don't trust mom not to set me up with a wrong and really inappropriate aged girlfriend.

Dad is fuming, you can see it if you know him well enough, he's furious at mom for doing this to me. They argued the entire way here and he's made sure to sit next to me at the back.

I've never wanted the pompous windbag of a preacher to talk so much. The longer he talks the longer I get to sit here girlfriendless. God I'm so nervous. How am I supposed to tell her to leave me alone? That I really am gay and I don't want a girlfriend without hurting her feelings? She probably thinks she's helping me by 'curing' me or something.

And then the idiot preacher wraps up his supposedly awe-inspiring sermon of some shit or another and it's over, and now I have to fend off some girl. Oh god this is going to end badly, I can tell, because it's happening to me and nothing good ever happens to me.

I used to stalk down corridors and I made the other kids fear me and now I'm the one sitting here not daring to move, afraid of what's going to come next and knowing there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it.

"David," Mom is there and she's cooing at me which is unnerving in itself, she pushes a blonde girl forward, "This is Daisy," and cold hard calculating eyes bore into mine. I've seen girls like this one on the Cheerios, girls like Santana Lopez, this girl will happily chop my balls off given half a chance, I am in so much shit right now.

"Hi David," the girl's voice is full of false honey and she bats her eyes at me, I try and smile but I think I grimace instead.

"Now David why don't you and Daisy go and have a little chat," Mom's saying and I shake my head because I don't want to be alone with this girl right now. In fact I don't ever want to be alone with this girl. "David," Mom's voice hardens in anger, "Remember to try, you have to try and get better."

I'm never getting better, why can't she accept me?

"If David doesn't want to be alone with her, then he doesn't have to be," Dad steps in and I jerk my head to stare at him, he normally doesn't openly argue with her.

"Paul, it's in the church, they'll be fine," and there's something else in her tone, she's totally up to something.

"It's okay dad," I tell him, "When we're out of church I'd prefer a chaperone," surely the girl won't try anything here.

"Fine," Dad reaches out to me and pats my shoulder, in front of everyone, and it means a lot to me.

Mom ushers me and Daisy to a side room and this is the one the preacher does all his video blogging from, kinda a modern way to get to his target audience, and he's vane as hell and loves being the centre of attention.

There are five cameras all at different angles and I know he edits his own videos. Nervously I eye them up and I'm sure I can see red dots flashing, does that mean they're on or they're on standby?

Moving away from Daisy I let her have the main chair and sit to one side, "So…" How the hell do you talk to girls? "Er are you interested in sports?"

Sprawling unladylike in the chair she rolls her eyes, "Really Karofsky," she snarks, "That's how you're playing this? Come over here and I'll blow you, we'll say you're cured and I'll even throw in some dates for you."

"What?" I'm confused.

"Oh please like a big beefy guy like you is even gay, admit it, you're using this whole gay thing to get some sympathy from the ladies, I bet you've been in a fair number of girl's panties by now," she's saying and my jaw's dropped in shock, this is the type of girl my mom wants me to date to 'cure' me?

"I am gay," I huff and cross my arms, "I can't help it if I like guys better than I do girls."

"Really?" She scoffs, "Just give up your little act, and I can get the car daddy's promised me," her hands go to the top button of her blouse, "I'll even let you handle my tits while I go down on you."

And then I flee the room at top speed and head straight for the only ally I have in this church, I go to my dad and blurt out, "I don't want her as a girlfriend and I feel sick, can I go home now please?"

Which is when I hear her voice again, "God damn fucking frigid virgin boy can't even handle a woman," and there's a TV that's streaming live footage of the room, oh my god they were filming us.

"Yes David," Dad stands up and turns to mom, "We're going now, and David is not dating that gold digging bitch, he's girlfriendless," mom just nods and seems shocked, I think her plan has backfired.

We leave and it isn't until we're in the car and dad's driving us away that I breathe out and relax, "I'm sorry about that David," dad says, "You shouldn't have had to have gone through that, I can't believe she's the same woman I married all those years ago."

"'S'Okay dad," I try and smooth it over.

"No it isn't," he says firmly, "Can you put up with her a bit longer? If she gets too much let me know, I have something I need to do and then you won't have to worry about her anymore."

That makes me frown, "You're not going to kill her are you?" I joke.

"No," he laughs, "But I'm not going to stand for the way she treats both of us much longer," he pulls into our drive and I hop out, "Go to Kurt's have a great day and I'll see you later son, and if you need ANYthing, you let me know."

"'Kay," I wave to him as he drives off and I bound into the house and go to get changed before I scurry over to Kurt's.

Only to find Blaine and Rachel are already there. Kurt's sitting in the middle of them watching a musical of some sorts and he's not happy. That's strange, he's watching something he likes and he's sitting next to Blaine, why wouldn't he be happy?

He spots me and this big smile stretches over his face, "David!" He jumps up and hurries over to me, "You're here and perfectly in time for our date," date? What date? He doesn't say, he just drags me back to the door and our shoes are put on as he pushes me out of the door yelling, "We're going out see you later," and then the door is slammed shut and he's hustling me to his big car.

"I'm sorry Kurt I didn't remember a date…" I try and apologise.

"That's because there wasn't one," he mutters, "We're going to Tina's to escape the Rachel Berry sphere of influence. If I hear her mention how great a Tony Blaine could be I'll smother her in her sleep."

Oh, that's why he's angry and upset.

"Okay," I nod and Tina's nice, Mike doesn't say much but he's usually okay with me, of all the Gleeks I get on best with them.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.

Sorry it's short but I didn't want you to go another week without a posting of something… More next week (I hope).


	13. Chapter 13

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction.

* * *

><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**13**

Lumbering up the path to Tina's door, I shadow Kurt who's all but skipping lithely and nimbly along the route, he presses the bell and a giant smile is on his face, he must really be looking forward to this.

Tina answers the door and we're swept inside. She leads us to her bedroom and I don't know what I'm expecting but coffins and black walls dance in my head. Instead it's a pale cream with lace and ruffles and it's so over the top with white furniture I'm not sure how to take it.

"I know," she says to me and she must have caught me staring, "My parents really are fine with me being a goth or whatever, but they refuse to let me redecorate my bedroom until I'm an adult and then I have to pay for the paint, they say it'll teach me self reliance or something."

"Oh," I'm not sure what else to say and I can see Kurt's making himself at home on the big double bed, he pats a space to one side and I slide on after him ending up with him plastered up against me.

Mike appears with drinks and snacks and he and Tina take the foot of the bed with a pile of pillows and brightly coloured cushions. They stick on a DVD and I'm subjected to some dancing thingy, this girl has to move into the ghetto but she's a ballet dancer or something and then she ends up doing hip hop and I lose track closing my eyes and enjoying the chance to simply relax for a while.

I can hear the three of them critiquing the dancing and Mike is muttering about notes and things for booty camp, Christ I do not want to do ballet, my life sucks without adding ballet to it, I'd break my toes going up on the edges like that, Jesus my bulk alone would do irreparable damage...

And then Kurt shifts next to me, he curls up sideways with his head on my stomach and I hear a grunt from him, all I get to see is the back of his head and his back, and that very nice ass of his.

With no one paying me any attention I close my eyes and doze a little, I'm tired far more than I used to be but I can't seem to sleep for any length of time.

Now is no exception I nap on and off during the film and wake up properly when the film is, thankfully, over. Both Tina and Mike are moving around but Kurt stays where he is and if anything makes himself more comfortable.

Mike's showing off as Tina changes DVD's and then we get to watch some kinda sequel, awesome, not.

Bored I go back to my naps, I drift, not really thinking about anything, and it's like this massive load of tension seeps out of my body, it's amazing. Considering that blonde bitch at the church had pretty much destroyed my day I'm feeling better and the weight of Kurt's head on my stomach is nice and it's not too much of anything.

I could get used to this.

Maybe I can talk him into doing this in his room or something, we could watch his DVD's or if he rolls over, we could read to each other for English.

Caught up in my future plans with Kurt I don't realise the films over at first and the three of them are talking. Kurt's sprawled out over me even more and he turns to ask me if I'm okay and he's not too heavy, "'S'Cool," I tell him and he snuggles into my stomach.

"Hmm, good because I think I'm going to be doing this a lot more, your stomach is seriously comfy David," and he wiggles and sighs in contentment, which is something new.

"It can't be that good Kurt," Tina says and I can't see Kurt's face but she can and her eyes widen, "Okay, then, if it is that good move over and give me a go."

"No," Kurt's arm lands over my stomach possessively, "Mine, I will guard my new pillow, which is handily attached to my amazing boyfriend with my life," he declares and then I witness a harmless catfight as Tina pounces and they wrestle on the bed.

If Tina were a guy I'd be seriously worried about where their hands are ending up, but she's a she so it should be fine and Mike doesn't seem to worried and is indulging his girlfriend.

It ends up with the two of them rolling around and giggling. It's nice to see Kurt let rip and have some fun for once and I lay there waiting for them to finish being silly.

Laughing they get their breathes back and then Tina bolts across the bed and lands with her head on my stomach, she's careful not to crash into me and she's very gentle.

"Oh god Kurt," she exclaims and this really obscene groan comes from her, I tense up and she keeps touching me, I can't tell but flash back to the girl in the church and tell myself I'm being stupid, it's just Tina, and then she says, "Wow, this is the best pillow in the world."

Did she just call me fat?

Confused and not sure what to do I lay there and Kurt's frowning so now I'm worried he might think I'm encouraging her or something but he says, "Tina, I have left Mike's fantastic and mouth watering abs alone, so I expect you to leave my wonderful Dave's body alone too, it's in the girlfriend code after all."

Except she waves a hand, "Mike knows I love him and want only him, but this is so much more comfortable than his mouth watering abs, I am so borrowing Dave in the future, I promise to hand him back afterwards."

I've been at parties where cheerleaders have said something similar and real fights have broken out, but both Mike and Kurt laugh so she must be joking, she can't mean she wants to spend time with me, I'm safe, she hates me just like everyone else does.

I'm still not happy with Tina being where she is so I clear my throat and she sits up, "Sorry," she grins not sorry at all, "I shouldn't objectify you Dave."

"Um, I need the bathroom," I say and she tells me where it is, leaving the room I hear them burst into laughter and I hurry to lock myself in the toilet, my hands are shaking a little so it takes me two goes to turn the lock.

Leaning on the door I struggle to breathe and try to reason out what the fuck just happened. I think Kurt has just flaunted me to his friends, which is good? I think it's good, it means he likes how I am. Doesn't it?

Tina's clearly agreed with him and Mike didn't argue.

So Kurt's not unhappy with me?

Fuck.

I'm supposed to be helping him get Blaine back, I'm supposed to only be here for a short while and then I can go.

Using the toilet I wash my hands afterwards and then I can see myself in the mirror, Jesus why the hell would Kurt like me? Prodding myself in the stomach I'm disgusted when it wobbles, I know I'm fat, and I think Tina and Kurt are just trying to make me feel better about myself, like they do Mercedes and that Zizes girl. Both of those girls are so damn hot and fierce and perfect, they don't need to change a damn thing about themselves, anyone would be honoured to be with them.

I guess Kurt could be telling me that he doesn't care about what I look like, 'coz he's cool like that, he really looks and see someone when he can, but what could he have seen in me?

Or it could be part of his plan to get Blaine back, if he gets Tina on his side she could work on Mike, who gets on really well with Blaine, and guys talk so this could spur Blaine into coming after Kurt to get him back…

Fuck.

Still confused I go back to find they've dug a board game out and are playing Monopoly, well they're all set up and are waiting for me so they can start playing.

None of them are really concentrating on the game, it's like it's a physical distraction so they can gossip and talk and chatter, even Mike. I stay out of it not wanting to show Kurt up but then Kurt turns to me and asks me about a few things we've been doing in European Geography, I give him my best answers and Mike nods.

After that they don't let me sit it out, they make me join in the conversation and it's kinda nice that Mike and Tina aren't stupid, they actually know where Alaska is for a start.

Kurt makes quips and we all laugh, Mike turns out to have a very dry sense of humour and Tina is nice with a few wicked insights. I like this. This is fun. This is something I really want to do again.

Tina's mom puts her head around the door to tell us that dinner is nearly ready which is when Kurt's phone beeps, it's Carole telling him the same thing. So we have to leave and as I get up from the floor I wince at the bruises over my body being forced to move, those locker slams can be damn rough.

Going to Kurt's we find Rachel and Blaine there, Rachel seems determined to get Kurt alone, and Kurt seems determined to not be alone with her, even going so far as to sit on my lap.

Under the guise of being protective I put my arm around his waist, I have to be careful, I don't want to frighten him or hurt him. Blaine's eyes narrow and I want to gloat at him but the whole point of this is to get him to chase Kurt and I grit my teeth pretending I haven't noticed.

Dinner is a bit tense, except for Finn who hasn't picked up on it, and Burt is more than happy to shoo Kurt off to go to his room with me, all Kurt gets is a look that makes him flush and then we're curled up on his bed.

"I can't believe they're still here, why can't Rachel get a hint and leave me alone, I know we're almost inseparable lately but I don't need to be constantly reminded of the stage show," he mutters.

"She means well," I try but I'm baffled by her, I work under the assumption that she's crazier than a box of frogs on drugs and she's under the delusion the world revolves around her and her alone, that we were put here purely to cheer her on.

"That's part of the problem," he says and cuddles closer. "Enough of her," he props himself up on one elbow, "So… You seemed to get on well with Mike and Tina…"

"Yeah, they're great," I say and Kurt' whole face lights up, "Damn you're beautiful when you do that," and fuck I just said that aloud but Kurt's still pleased and he's nibbling on his lip.

"Thank you," his voice is low and shy, "You're pretty handsome too you know," I know he's lying but it feels good and I smile softly at him.

A few crashes happen downstairs and then I can hear Sebastian's snarky voice floating up, when the fuck did Sebastian get here? Kurt hesitates and nearly gets up but then shrugs and settles back down cuddling me.

Loud footsteps and then Sebastian's leaning on Kurt's door, "Huh, so Dave is here and you aren't cheating on him behind his back," the tall teen hisses, damn Kurt's right when you look at him just right he is rodenty.

Wait, why would he think Kurt's cheating on me?

"I don't cheat," Kurt says back and gives Sebastian a flinty expression, "I leave that to things that slime out from under rocks," And I know he's seriously pissed that Sebastian made so many runs at Blaine until the kid gave in, at least he broke up with Kurt first and then dated the Smythe brat.

But the way Sebastian's eyes flicker for a moment I'm not so sure they waited and then Burt's kicking Sebastian and Blaine out of the house, and Rachel has to go too as Blaine drove her.

I get to spend an extra hour with Kurt and then I have to go home. It's not until I'm safely tucked up in my room that I spot my skates and then I remember that Coach is kicking all the other jocks off the team, I'm so screwed tomorrow.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


	14. Chapter 14

See Chapter 1 for warnings, still not a nice happy fiction. Mentions of self-harm and suicide.

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><p><strong>Battered Knight In A Letterman Jacket<strong>

**14**

I was so ready for today to be hell on earth, but Tanner's actually being smart, the moment I stepped into the school Beiste had me hustled off to her office and I'm hiding in here as Tanner blasts the now ex-hockey team and is explaining why they're being kicked off the team.

"Seriously you idiots! All you had to do was turn up for the special practice. Do you morons know why it was a special practice?" He's screaming at them, and then I find out the dude I sparred against is only a frigging sports agent. Well he owns a sports agency in New York, and he's seriously well connected to so many colleges. He keeps his head down and does his best to be unnoticed, the better to get young idiot kids to ignore him so he can scout talent easily and get a true sense of them as people.

"And there he was as a favour to me, coming to see you jackasses. Do you know how much grovelling I had to do to get you that opportunity?" He's still screaming at them and in the background I can make out Coach Sylvester adding a comment or two as she munches on popcorn enjoying the show in the boys' locker room.

Ten more minutes go past with him berating them and then he makes them hand in their lettermans and shoos them out of the locker room to storm into Coach B's office where the biggest grin appears on his face.

"Fun?" Coach B asks amused at him, "Liked some of the names you used out there Tanner," her voice is low and not pitched to carry.

Coach Sylvester saunters in and closes the door behind her, "Not bad Tanner, coulda worked more on your projection but enough of the nosiest kids came in and that Jacob creature was there too. Won't be long until this is doing the rounds."

And that's the plan. Have a very solid reason to get rid of the team, in this case, they screwed up by not going to practice and missed the super doper talent scout, incidentally embarrassing the Coach, and no one can blame me. As an added bonus Tanner can hold open try outs and get kids that can skate.

With both of the scariest Coaches in the school backing him Tanner can also hold his ground with the parents if they protest, the whole thing smacks of last year when Beiste did something similar and eventually cowed the football team.

It's going to rain shit down on me in the end but for the short time both me and Kurt won't take the flack for this screw up by the jocks.

They make me wait for a bit longer and then Tanner 'drags' me out to the locker room and, in front of some of the other jocks, proceeds to verbally bust my balls and hassles me making sure I won't suddenly stop turning up to practice or let my grades slip.

I nod my head at the right places and mumble, "Yes Coach," acting submissive and then he 'kicks' me out of the locker room. Coach B is going to go after the football team at practice to be on the safe side.

Scurrying to my locker I do my best depressed and barely survived being chewed out by my Coach impression, not that hard too do, it's a lot like how I feel most of the time now anyway.

By lunch time the news is all over the school and I'm dreading the canteen. Kurt's hovering by my locker and walks me to lunch. I'm nervous and not that hungry and shockingly he fusses over me.

Normally at the Gleek table I'm ignored by everyone, except Kurt. This time Tina and Mike talk to me and the others are giving me looks that seem sympathetic.

Rachel tries to get Kurt to one side and Blaine is stuck to her like glue, which means Smythe is nearby and appears to be murderously shooting glares at Blaine. In fact Blaine is ignoring the chipmunk, oh god, not I'm calling him that, guess Kurt's rubbing off on me and the next thing you'll know I'll be wearing Prada or something.

Being walked to class by my boyfriend is a cross between nice and humiliating, I'm supposed to be taking care of him, it's more nice though so I don't say anything, and when his hand creeps into mine I cling to it like it's a lifeline.

A lifeline I have to let go of when I reach my classroom. Walking in alone I put my books and stuff out and concentrate on the lesson, need to keep my grades up so… Actually why am I keeping my grades up? Except to keep my family off my back, Tanner to leave me alone, and to make Kurt happy.

Well if it makes Kurt happy I can do that.

Dragging my feet to my next lesson I dart into the girls' toilets to pee and find the same girl that gave me a band aid standing stiffly at a sink, she relaxes when she sees me, "Hey Dave, heard about Tanner and what he did."

No one but the Coaches and me know the truth, I've not even told Kurt, the less he knows the more protected he'll be. "Yeah, at least I'm still on the team though."

I pee and then go to wash my hands. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the blood on her hand, the way she's staring at it as if hypnotised, I know the feeling well, I remember the bathroom and my own little unintentional experiment in cutting.

"Why do you cut?" I ask her genuinely curious.

Her eyes swivel to meet mine, "To feel something."

Blinking I can't stop the words before they tumble out, "Really? I thought it made everything stop, just for a few seconds, just to give some peace."

A flicker of a smile crosses her face and she nods, "You're one of those, you cut and it goes still, you can get a moment to catch your breath." It's my time to nod that was exactly like it was. "Me? I cut to feel something other than empty, numb, nothing."

Her voice is dead her shoulders slumped when another smile flickers on her face, "That and so stop myself topping myself, just a few years I'm getting out of this hellhole town, I getting away from my family. I don't need much of a job, I only need to keep a roof over my head and get groceries and some medical insurance…" She stops and stares at me, I'd flinched when she'd said about killing herself.

"Dave?" She frowns at me, "Oh," her eyes widen, "But I thought you had something to life for… Kurt…"

Pinned by eyes that actually see me I can't look away and mumble, "He won't be with me forever, only really staying for him," I don't mention the whole get the boyfriend plan back, "When he goes… I'll go…"

Strange that in a girls' bathroom in a crappy high school in Lima Ohio I finally find someone that kinda understands me, for once I'm not alone, for once I'm not hiding, I've said the words, and she gives me a sad smile.

"Okay Dave," and she accepts my choice, "But I'm allowed to come to your funeral, right?"

"Yeah," I nod, "Totally, and truthfully I think you'll be the only one there, my folks won't bother, and I don't want Kurt to get upset, he deserves good things in his life…" I've not really thought about my funeral, not wondered about what music should play, who should be invited, burial versus cremation. I don't want to bother people with the clean up, maybe I should use the time I've got left to plan everything out, that way I can be less of a useless lump in death too.

On impulse I stick my hand out to the girl, "Hi, my name is Dave, and one day soon I'm going to kill myself."

I'm not sure what I'm aiming for but she steps forward, "Hi Dave. My name is Cassie and I cut so I can keep myself together until I can escape."

We shake hands and go our separate ways, but we carry each others cell numbers. Other than Kurt she's the first kid from this school I've given my new number to.

Going through the motions I finish my classes and go to booty camp, here I can be further humiliated and shown to be useless. As I change I'm a bit distracted by wondering how to plan my own funeral, I'll have to brave the internet and get started soon.

Glancing around the icy tension between Blaine and Sebastian has notched up which should mean my end is closing swiftly, I won't have a lot of time to get everything ready at this rate and I mentally berate myself for being so selfish and not thinking about after my death.

Logically my parents will probably just leave me hanging for a day or two until someone can cut me down and haul my fat overweight ass to the coroners. Then I guess someone has to pay for me to get planted or burnt. Shit I so need a step by step plan to sort this fuck up out.

Kurt smiles at me and I smile back, I have a few days, maybe a week or two, I can totally do this.

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><p>AN: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.


End file.
